Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat....

By Remember the parking brake - 6/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10111

You deserved it

36916

Favorite

Intimacy

Proactive

Everyone's an expert

Weird kid

By terribob1 - 8/7/2016 14:52

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12406

You deserved it

4440

Favorite

By charma - 11/7/2009 13:14 - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59033

You deserved it

5116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42982

You deserved it

7519

Favorite

By traumatized - 12/4/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40117

You deserved it

9241

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/9/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43911

You deserved it

3528

Favorite

By PissNTra - 19/7/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42779

You deserved it

5240

Favorite

By Travellingluck - 20/10/2017 16:12

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

I agree, your life sucks

3595

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By BSwan - 15/3/2011 00:57 - Australia

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30828

You deserved it

11323

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/1/2010 18:55 - Canada

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29237

You deserved it

8671

Favorite

By Crabcake - 21/9/2017 19:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3058

You deserved it

905

Favorite

By Macdaddy - 5/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25886

You deserved it

3430

Favorite

By 1.30am - 10/2/2012 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27547

You deserved it

2665

Favorite

By Anna - 18/6/2011 16:54 - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31899

You deserved it

4466

Favorite

By sandwichmaker - 17/7/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36593

You deserved it

3279

Favorite

By Pedro the Basuraman - 11/5/2018 20:30

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

I agree, your life sucks

4038

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By lalalalalala - 17/3/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35676

You deserved it

3707

Favorite

By whatisthisidonteven - 23/9/2012 09:23 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26834

You deserved it

2596

Favorite

By Fiona the Deceived - 30/5/2018 19:00

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4208

You deserved it

234

Favorite

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/4/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2225

You deserved it

4402

Favorite

By disappointment son - 19/5/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3365

You deserved it

223

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/4/2013 16:26 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41833

You deserved it

2966

Favorite

By notpreggers - 8/2/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34616

You deserved it

7865

Favorite

By My Life Is Just PERFECT - 30/3/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41836

You deserved it

4061

Favorite

By Eheath12Jheath14 - 12/7/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4173

You deserved it

462

Favorite

By NosChersVoisins - 1/7/2014 04:55 - France - Bordeaux

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63037

You deserved it

5899

Favorite

By Gabby125 - 19/9/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27532

You deserved it

4277

Favorite

By ihatewalmart - 29/6/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27818

You deserved it

3160

Favorite

By sadgirl - 28/2/2012 15:51 - Netherlands

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22856

You deserved it

4240

Favorite

By pontwa - 23/8/2015 13:45 - Australia

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30057

You deserved it

1886

Favorite

By dateless - 21/9/2012 11:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25010

You deserved it

2324

Favorite

By language barriers - 12/2/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34102

You deserved it

5148

Favorite

By imfullthanks - 14/3/2009 23:06 - Norway

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88458

You deserved it

7628

Favorite

By foretwintie - 6/6/2009 11:18 - Canada

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74073

You deserved it

8233

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32949

You deserved it

5749

Favorite

By Mexican - 19/6/2016 03:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18306

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1472

Favorite

By Jopes - 10/5/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83534

You deserved it

13668

Favorite

By not my idea - 27/4/2020 20:00

Not now, mom

Today, my mom learned via Facebook that my ex is now divorced. She took this as a "sign from God" that he’s my soulmate, and took it upon herself to try to set us up. Not only have I not talked to this fool since we broke up in high school, I’m not sure who’s more pissed off, me or my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2352

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By Shauna - 8/11/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33084

You deserved it

2558

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 15:15 - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9396

You deserved it

40604

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33760

You deserved it

14058

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FMLephant | 2

#1510846 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:11

You don't make love in the car, you Fuck in the car!

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1510816 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

need insurance? there's an app for that.

Comments

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1510816 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

need insurance? there's an app for that.

kwmfl | 4

#1510924 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:20

Stop saying there's an app for everything. We already know!

H8rSk8r | 0

#1510930 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:20

I hope that pole had insurance...

Jessi2487 | 0

#1510957 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:24

12- i wanna make sure everyone knows! gosh!

blocparty | 0

#1511040 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:41

i know she probably had her hands full, but she could have just pulled the stick that stops the action too. <3

Schizomaniac | 24

#1511111 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:03

Silly number 13, poles cannot have insurance.

Mylees | 0

#1511112 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:04

#13funny,#1 yeah this app thing is getting annoying

Sanchez2021 | 0

#1511151 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:40

What a square!!!

Raheem7 | 0

#1511227 - Thursday 7 October 2010 12:12

Getting Jessi to stfu with the "theres an app for that" stuff, I guess theres not an app for that.

bbyiitsCANDY | 0

#1511259 - Thursday 7 October 2010 12:29

lol xD

missmurderx | 8

#1511484 - Thursday 7 October 2010 13:30

hello, number one.
I have the same necklace as you.
twins?! :) :P

benny2465 | 0

#1515059 - Friday 8 October 2010 5:15

13 nope ops gf will need more poles to afford that

Morpheus414 | 0

#1515478 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:45

XD Rock the house. Luvin' must be good!

thecrazyasian | 3

#1515489 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:48

is there an app for u to MSG me ;)

DancinChikk | 0

#3582985 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:16

What isnt there an app for!??

By littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1510818 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

wow, lol. Forget the parking brake?

paid2think | 0

#1510831 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:09

Lol or maybe they were both fat and moved it side to side :p

littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1510894 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:17

lol! sad! It could happen tho I'm sure. Yiks:/

thecrazyasian | 3

#1515483 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:46

if the pic is really you your rly pretty

By kaitlinthecutie | 0

#1510821 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

1st?

brennboo | 3

#1510844 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:10

nope sorry better luck next time :)

By rpvia | 0

#1510840 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:10

which "pole" did your girlfriend notice more

By FMLephant | 2

#1510846 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:11

You don't make love in the car, you Fuck in the car!

blocparty | 0

#1511049 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:43

you got it wrong mate, guys fuck in cars, women make love in cars.

cbr600_fml | 0

#1511108 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:00

20-you are wrong my friend everybody fucks in a car. you make love on a bed with candles and rose pedals all over the place.

fits138 | 0

#1511116 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:05

that's what I was thinking! bahaha

destineydeon | 0

#1511525 - Thursday 7 October 2010 13:44

I was thinking the same thing.
and this sounds fake.

Taipan_fml | 0

#1512585 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:23

Making love depends more upon who you're with, not where you are.

SixDeuce | 0

#1512785 - Thursday 7 October 2010 18:01

Thank you! Amen

neonsugarXx | 0

#2170855 - Friday 11 March 2011 3:06

32=win x3

By molil_4810 | 0

#1510883 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:15

YFDI!!! but that is hilarious !!

DLTsandwich | 5

#1511118 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:06

Your picture terrifies me...even without all the doodles on it, it would terrify me. *shivers*

Mylees | 0

#1511119 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:06

omg what did you do to Miley!!

Mylees | 0

#1511120 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:08

omg what did you do to Miley!!

molil_4810 | 0

#1511149 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:40

;)

IAreStarfeesh | 0

#1515227 - Friday 8 October 2010 6:35

A wild Miley has appeared! Charizard, cast mountain! OH NOES! She made it move!!!

By iheartowls | 0

#1510888 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:16

That'll be a fun one to explain to your insurance company. I'd be so embarrassed, and probably lie.

By drizzt6895 | 0

#1510952 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:23

did you keep going after you hit the pole?

831_salas | 0

#1513328 - Thursday 7 October 2010 20:13

haha yes they were lyk "ehh, might as well"

stronghand0331 | 17

#1513739 - Thursday 7 October 2010 22:41

62- I see your spelling hasn't improved at all

By DrainedOfSanity | 4

#1510986 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:28

Get a room.

By dreamering | 16

#1511001 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:33

Was the car jerking off since it moved by itself?