Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat....

By Remember the parking brake - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

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Intimacy

There's no helping some people

Trans women are women

Mr Nice Guy

By feistychick - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

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58024

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By donotbelieveinsecondchances - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39856

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By The_Life - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and things were getting heated when he got a call from one of his mates wanting to play Counter Strike. Next thing I know, I'm laying in bed by myself listening to him rage. FML

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11917

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By audreyav - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

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26664

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34292

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By british_babe - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52019

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By youmothERFUCKErs - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

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34061

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19823

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5757

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By Anonymous - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33256

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By NoLife - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15040

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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2675

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By Anonymous - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

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14097

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By N - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14499

You deserved it

1096

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By Anonameow

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13814

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Lawrence - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51571

You deserved it

3704

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By erika - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15811

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By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

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75805

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

The art of seduction

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1303

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 01:02 - Chile - Santiago

Not you

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

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751

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By Numnum - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10632

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By Hoggiebear - United States

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35305

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By cpmagnusox

Sharing is caring

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

749

You deserved it

1156

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By ........................... - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52756

You deserved it

6115

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

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11694

You deserved it

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By -__- - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49725

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By Hikara - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

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165146

You deserved it

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By Adan - United States - Monroe

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13631

You deserved it

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By AdriBAMF - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

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44201

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By AbhorrentApplication - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

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25188

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34762

You deserved it

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By DeathPopStar666

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1644

You deserved it

110

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By SomeoneElse - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68215

You deserved it

3347

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By hisgirl4life - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39104

You deserved it

8709

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By failhusband - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29090

You deserved it

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By Boyufd - 2/1/2021 08:00

Forever alone man

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

703

You deserved it

153

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By zaynemaliksvagina - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30297

You deserved it

1872

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By Carl - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29308

You deserved it

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By cAtaLanbLoOd - France - Perpignan

Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yes, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34076

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Pretend

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54587

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By Anonymous

Not lovin' it.

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4887

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Top comments

By FMLephant | 2

#1510846 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:11

You don't make love in the car, you Fuck in the car!

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1510816 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

need insurance? there's an app for that.

COMMENTS

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1510816 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

need insurance? there's an app for that.

kwmfl | 4

#1510924 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:20

Stop saying there's an app for everything. We already know!

H8rSk8r | 0

#1510930 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:20

I hope that pole had insurance...

Jessi2487 | 0

#1510957 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:24

12- i wanna make sure everyone knows! gosh!

blocparty | 0

#1511040 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:41

i know she probably had her hands full, but she could have just pulled the stick that stops the action too. <3

Schizomaniac | 24

#1511111 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:03

Silly number 13, poles cannot have insurance.

Mylees | 0

#1511112 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:04

#13funny,#1 yeah this app thing is getting annoying

Sanchez2021 | 0

#1511151 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:40

What a square!!!

Raheem7 | 0

#1511227 - Thursday 7 October 2010 12:12

Getting Jessi to stfu with the "theres an app for that" stuff, I guess theres not an app for that.

bbyiitsCANDY | 0

#1511259 - Thursday 7 October 2010 12:29

lol xD

missmurderx | 8

#1511484 - Thursday 7 October 2010 13:30

hello, number one.
I have the same necklace as you.
twins?! :) :P

benny2465 | 0

#1515059 - Friday 8 October 2010 5:15

13 nope ops gf will need more poles to afford that

Morpheus414 | 0

#1515478 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:45

XD Rock the house. Luvin' must be good!

thecrazyasian | 3

#1515489 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:48

is there an app for u to MSG me ;)

DancinChikk | 0

#3582985 - Monday 14 November 2011 5:16

What isnt there an app for!??

By littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1510818 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

wow, lol. Forget the parking brake?

paid2think | 0

#1510831 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:09

Lol or maybe they were both fat and moved it side to side :p

littlemissdqgirl | 8

#1510894 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:17

lol! sad! It could happen tho I'm sure. Yiks:/

thecrazyasian | 3

#1515483 - Friday 8 October 2010 8:46

if the pic is really you your rly pretty

By kaitlinthecutie | 0

#1510821 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:08

1st?

brennboo | 3

#1510844 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:10

nope sorry better luck next time :)

By rpvia | 0

#1510840 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:10

which "pole" did your girlfriend notice more

By FMLephant | 2

#1510846 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:11

You don't make love in the car, you Fuck in the car!

blocparty | 0

#1511049 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:43

you got it wrong mate, guys fuck in cars, women make love in cars.

cbr600_fml | 0

#1511108 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:00

20-you are wrong my friend everybody fucks in a car. you make love on a bed with candles and rose pedals all over the place.

fits138 | 0

#1511116 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:05

that's what I was thinking! bahaha

destineydeon | 0

#1511525 - Thursday 7 October 2010 13:44

I was thinking the same thing.
and this sounds fake.

Taipan_fml | 0

#1512585 - Thursday 7 October 2010 17:23

Making love depends more upon who you're with, not where you are.

SixDeuce | 0

#1512785 - Thursday 7 October 2010 18:01

Thank you! Amen

neonsugarXx | 0

#2170855 - Friday 11 March 2011 3:06

32=win x3

By molil_4810 | 0

#1510883 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:15

YFDI!!! but that is hilarious !!

DLTsandwich | 5

#1511118 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:06

Your picture terrifies me...even without all the doodles on it, it would terrify me. *shivers*

Mylees | 0

#1511119 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:06

omg what did you do to Miley!!

Mylees | 0

#1511120 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:08

omg what did you do to Miley!!

molil_4810 | 0

#1511149 - Thursday 7 October 2010 10:40

;)

IAreStarfeesh | 0

#1515227 - Friday 8 October 2010 6:35

A wild Miley has appeared! Charizard, cast mountain! OH NOES! She made it move!!!

By iheartowls | 0

#1510888 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:16

That'll be a fun one to explain to your insurance company. I'd be so embarrassed, and probably lie.

By drizzt6895 | 0

#1510952 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:23

did you keep going after you hit the pole?

831_salas | 0

#1513328 - Thursday 7 October 2010 20:13

haha yes they were lyk "ehh, might as well"

stronghand0331 | 17

#1513739 - Thursday 7 October 2010 22:41

62- I see your spelling hasn't improved at all

By DrainedOfSanity | 4

#1510986 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:28

Get a room.

By dreamering | 16

#1511001 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:33

Was the car jerking off since it moved by itself?