Love: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML - FML

By I hate games - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Sorry…

You've got some explaining to do

By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

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By Username - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

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By hannibal - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

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By Martin - 15/3/2021 17:00

People don't always get sarcasm

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

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By mustachioed - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

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By marcy_89

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 05:03

The other stage of grief

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

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By thecaptainmorgan - United States - Tulsa

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

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By wideman - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

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By AHHH_REPTAR - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

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By joshinbaltimore - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

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By Nicki - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

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By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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By someonevexed - Germany

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

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By Candace - United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

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By Mack - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

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By dmlk - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

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By rolyat - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 03:30

Melted

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2021 22:01

Time for another podcast

Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML

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By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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By nerp - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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By T. - Australia

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

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By atleese - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By _Emilyy - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

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By Sady_Ct

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

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By OperaLover - United States

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

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By ow - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

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By AsshatUncle - United States - Tampa

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

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By jumpy - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

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By mommysgirlapparently - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

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By Singlelady - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

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Top comments

By Person58 | 17

#6385640 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:16

Maybe to her, your whole relationship was a charade...

By MrSassypants | 32

#6385652 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:24

"First word has two letters.... oh, you're acting like me.... oh first word is me! Okay, okay. You're jumping into something.... is it jump.... no, is it 'in'? Yeah? Oh, okay, second word is 'in'. Alright, you're crying.... tears? Me in tears? Oh yeah! Me in tears! I got it! Wait, why am I in tears? Babe, what's going on?"

COMMENTS

By Person58 | 17

#6385640 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:16

Maybe to her, your whole relationship was a charade...

Reply

TDKopecki | 16

#6385761 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 15:35

Damn, mind blowing.

Reply

brownapple | 22

#6385848 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 18:12

???

Reply

ArcticPanda | 3

#6385853 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 18:24

Well played

By Ericisme | 9

#6385641 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:18

at least you weren't playing operation with your doctor! !

By alphafish17 | 16

#6385645 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:19

I'd love to have seen that

By HappyItalian | 38

#6385646 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:20

At least you weren't playing monopoly. That game has a reputation of ruining a lot of things for a lot of people.

Reply

KeannaLove | 32

#6385679 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:55

That game is pure evil. A lot of my friendships have been tested playing it lol.

Reply

ShyVi | 18

#6385758 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 15:24

I played that game with some friends in 6th grade. By 7th grade, most had already moved away.

By MrSassypants | 32

#6385652 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:24

"First word has two letters.... oh, you're acting like me.... oh first word is me! Okay, okay. You're jumping into something.... is it jump.... no, is it 'in'? Yeah? Oh, okay, second word is 'in'. Alright, you're crying.... tears? Me in tears? Oh yeah! Me in tears! I got it! Wait, why am I in tears? Babe, what's going on?"

By MassiDelta | 28

#6385654 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:25

Dude I don't even have anything funny to say... That just sucks. But don't worry, you will find someone else

By maharb01 | 17

#6385660 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:27

the real question is, were you playing with a group, and if yes, was it you who guessed what she was acting out?

By skippydoda | 32

#6385661 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:29

That was mean, but it was also pretty creative.

By PaulChristie | 13

#6385662 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:30

I feel bad for you OP but I do find it kinda funny how that even happened

By ACommenter | 7

#6385664 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 12:33

You must have been speechless

But seriously, that sucks and i hope things get better.