Love: Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 23

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 133

19/10/2009 05:34

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 407

You deserved it 2 992

Our house, in the middle of our street

Coherence dude, do you have it?

A new enemy

23/10/2017 16:19

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 903

You deserved it 440

22/01/2010 05:08

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 5 624

19/04/2013 11:44

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 023

You deserved it 4 439

12/06/2013 06:10

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 745

You deserved it 4 526

28/07/2009 06:34

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 3 005

07/03/2015 19:09

Spicy

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 518

You deserved it 4 354

12/11/2011 15:42

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 723

You deserved it 3 653

05/08/2015 18:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 2 860

Felt cute

By dieana - 09/06/2021 13:06

Today, I actually uttered the words, "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 257

You deserved it 9 673

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 23:01

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 70

08/05/2011 18:25

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 227

You deserved it 4 429

06/08/2009 10:05

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 337

You deserved it 13 573

29/06/2016 23:01

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 043

You deserved it 1 680

15/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 714

You deserved it 749

09/04/2009 08:44

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 718

You deserved it 18 022

15/03/2015 16:11

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 539

You deserved it 2 249

01/03/2013 18:22

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 550

You deserved it 2 805

23/01/2010 16:14

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 732

You deserved it 6 259

03/01/2009 16:48

Spicy

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 525

You deserved it 4 346

30/04/2009 01:34

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 276

You deserved it 18 470

20/07/2009 18:45

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 585

You deserved it 6 853

Smart guy

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, my male model boyfriend admitted to me that he has developed an eating disorder because of his career. He also told me we couldn't have sex anymore, because he might somehow absorb the food I eat, from my body, through intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 238

15/03/2009 04:46

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 362

You deserved it 22 661

19/03/2016 12:40

Today, I woke up late, got ready within 10 minutes and drove to work. I walked in and apologized to my boss. He said, "Go Home, it's your day off..." Walk of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 917

You deserved it 3 595

10/02/2017 09:00

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 720

You deserved it 961

11/06/2012 05:25

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 666

You deserved it 10 259

27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 209

02/05/2013 01:52

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 955

You deserved it 2 599

So selfish

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 103

13/11/2010 13:24

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 170

You deserved it 5 723

19/01/2015 05:35

Spicy

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 370

You deserved it 6 511

13/03/2009 20:54

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 783

You deserved it 30 035

19/10/2011 14:37

Spicy

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 811

You deserved it 18 495

Guilt

By Dumped - 18/02/2010 08:58

Spicy

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 3 396

14/10/2010 02:12

Spicy

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 17 572

Go, Vegan!

By Cheryl - 16/10/2019 04:00

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 501

08/01/2012 06:23

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 562

You deserved it 2 639

11/11/2010 01:43

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 482

You deserved it 4 555

15/01/2011 07:38

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 121

You deserved it 7 911

17/04/2013 22:56

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 572

You deserved it 3 284

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Top comments

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:10

guess it ended on a sour note ey?

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Monday 19 October 2009 15:25

Because, evidently, all people trained in classical composition are homosexual. Let me guess, your knowledge about music is limited to what you hear on top 40?

Comments

memory_loss_fml 0

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:04

harsh :/ fyl

dfvervbthbrgvefc 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 2:16

interesting that today is a music student...

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Thursday 24 June 2010 4:05

that is so romantic...i wisha guy would do that for me

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 11:29

Interesting that there are only two replies to the first comment

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:10

guess it ended on a sour note ey?

v1kt4r 13

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:28

:)

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Monday 19 October 2009 22:16

Rather /sharp/ of his girlfriend! ...No? Damn.

ilovefatcats 12

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Monday 22 March 2010 4:54

is she ur ex-girlfriend now ???

phantomofmusic 0

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 15:50

The evening fell "flat."

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:15

Ouch, that really sucks man :/

perdix 29

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 19 October 2009 15:25

Because, evidently, all people trained in classical composition are homosexual. Let me guess, your knowledge about music is limited to what you hear on top 40?

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Monday 19 October 2009 16:54

do you know only tchaikovsky?

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Monday 19 October 2009 22:43

You only wish you could come up with something as awesome, instead your imaginary gf probably broke up with you for not being creative enough. STFU.

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Sunday 2 September 2012 3:28

Perdix is kind of a try-hard nowadays...

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:25

Correction - it's now dedicated to either your now ex-girlfriend or your new one.

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Monday 19 October 2009 15:16

A bit harsh huh?

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Monday 19 October 2009 17:52

Is this your ex-girlfriend that "accidently" fell down the steps?

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 11:43

.

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:49

@prefix wow what the hell was that?

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:51

Dump her. Then update your piece with an "over"ture.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 5:04

good one!

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:53

correction that was at predix

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Monday 19 October 2009 14:53

the name is "perdix", BTW. Fail us once, shame on me. Fail us twice, shame on you.

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Sunday 2 September 2012 3:26

Wow, that correction was entirely pointless

epicwinmaster 0

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Monday 19 October 2009 12:59

she wants you to think she "forgot"... dumbass. she obviously didnt want to go in the first place.

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Monday 19 October 2009 16:16

Either that or you didn't confirm with her. That's why I voted YDI.

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Monday 19 October 2009 13:17

Pffft dump her, then go out with me! I think it's really awesome that you actually dedicated a symphony to her :D