Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed...

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

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Love

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By Prae - 1/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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By JustSomeGuy - 30/7/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

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By kiki - 25/5/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 04:10 - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an 'accident' in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2010 18:33 - Sweden

Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML

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By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

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By Mimi - 29/11/2012 05:29 - United States

Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML

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By jimmy_poison - 9/2/2015 00:19 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

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By Redhairchick - 6/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

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By Pineapple does go on pizza - 24/8/2018 01:30

Overkill or fair?

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

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By DBZ - 20/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

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By cantcloselegs - 20/10/2013 12:39 - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 14:00

Spare wheel

Today, an ex of mine told me she wanted a threesome. This was great until I realised I wasn't included. FML

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By wooowmom - 5/6/2011 01:10 - Canada

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

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By Viciousvixen_21 - 2/4/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

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By Will - 23/4/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

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By - 27/1/2017 04:00

Today, someone sent a dick pic to my 16-year-old, lesbian daughter. She handed me her phone and asked, "What is that, a naked mole rat?" FML

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By Username - 5/12/2010 17:04 - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

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By guess28 - 14/7/2009 18:19 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2019 22:00

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

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By beernuts - 6/3/2012 11:53 - United States

Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and shat my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML

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By needurlove - 15/4/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

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By Sawarski - 7/1/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

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By lft - 6/6/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

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By Anonymous S'wit - 8/11/2014 22:49 - Portugal

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

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By Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho - 24/5/2015 15:56 - United Kingdom - Cheadle

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

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By okeythen - 30/6/2013 05:03 - United States - Orlando

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

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By KC - 25/4/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

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By Arden - 3/2/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

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By ugly - 31/8/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

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By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/9/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

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By bunyipp - 23/9/2017 04:00 - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

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By Dumbblonde - 3/5/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was babysitting this little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park so we did. When we were walking back, I was caring her on my back. When were almost at the door, she told me she had to go pee. I told her to hold it. As we were walking in the door I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2010 00:52 - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

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Top comments

By Therealfluke | 0

#627241 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:10

guess it ended on a sour note ey?

By loto_fml | 3

#627370 - Monday 19 October 2009 15:25

Because, evidently, all people trained in classical composition are homosexual.

Let me guess, your knowledge about music is limited to what you hear on top 40?

Comments

By memory_loss_fml | 0

#627236 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:04

harsh :/ fyl

dfvervbthbrgvefc | 0

#628570 - Tuesday 20 October 2009 2:16

interesting that today is a music student...

wintamint101 | 7

#1040759 - Thursday 24 June 2010 4:05

that is so romantic...i wisha guy would do that for me

lolpwnagelol | 0

#1113383 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 11:29

Interesting that there are only two replies to the first comment

By Therealfluke | 0

#627241 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:10

guess it ended on a sour note ey?

v1kt4r | 13

#627259 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:28

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#628033 - Monday 19 October 2009 22:16

Rather /sharp/ of his girlfriend! ...No? Damn.

ilovefatcats | 12

#966181 - Monday 22 March 2010 4:54

is she ur ex-girlfriend now ???

phantomofmusic | 0

#982538 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 15:50

The evening fell "flat."

By Always_Abby | 0

#627245 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:15

Ouch, that really sucks man :/

By perdix | 29

#627251 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Peroxide | 3

#627275 - Monday 19 October 2009 12:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

loto_fml | 3

#627370 - Monday 19 October 2009 15:25

Because, evidently, all people trained in classical composition are homosexual.

Let me guess, your knowledge about music is limited to what you hear on top 40?