Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my Facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one with the smallest dick I've ever seen." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML
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Top comments
sarbear293 4
So.. Is it true?
chasingmountains 0
Good things come in small packages
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Comments (183)
leogirl95 12
It's not the size it's how you use it?
alikayanna 0
It's not the size of the worm, it's how you wiggle it. Oh and I heard spitting on it is lucky :).
indiiboo 0
As the lovely Jeffree Star says, "It's not about the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean." (;
JediScum 1
Haha! Where did you hear that? I can just imagine le douch," Hey baby, spitting on my dick is lucky!!!" Do not fall for this ladies. Please only suck penises if you really want to, not because you are desperate for a "load" of luck.
WordSmyth 2
The way you word things is hilarious "only suck penises if you really want to" LOL
failOmeter 0
Id love to eat ur pussy out
failOmeter 0
Id love to show u my worm tee hee
MsMindblowing 0
size does matter, not entirely but still matters
Kara_rated 5
Haha. She was probably kidding. I put an xs sticker from my shirt on my boyfriend's crotch after we went shopping (I stole the idea from an FML I read once) and he got offended. But I was kidding.
fattylumptard 1
What were you buying that was extra small? Cause you look more like a medium to large
ZombieLoveA 0
She said the xs sticker was from her shirt. She does look like a medium though. Or a small. Not large though...
Kara_rated 5
How do I look like a medium to large? My picture is of my face. I am 102 pounds. There is nothing fat on me, I have a 5% BMI. And the xs sticker was from my shirt, bitch.
LookOnBrightSide 12
Yeah, I'm guessing OP's girlfriend was just joking around, or else she wouldn't be going out with you. Just think of it as a joke.
Pelreskovich 11
So what, she obviously likes it if she's still with you. Not the size of the ship, it's how the ship moves in the ocean OP.
indiiboo 0
"You said we were going on a cruise...So how the hell did we end up on this canoe?" xD xD JEFREEE STAR FTW!
ToeJams 0
Next time the two of you have sex just put it in her butt really fast then ask her "is it tiny now?" while she screams in pain
mama2b3 20
That's messed up. That shit hurts!
GoW_Chick 15
...and the best comment on this FML goes too ...*drumroll* .... ToeJams! XD
minktheshrink 0
Depends on how small it is. What happens when she responds saying she can't feel it?
daa2138 0
Someone should do that to you, you twat.
warriordane5 0
hell yeah
betterdaysahead 14
that is to funny
dhardesty23 8
what a bitch
griffins33 4
She obviously doesn't mind or she would've left you. Not that big of a deal.
minktheshrink 0
It's not that big indeed.
JediScum 1
I don't think the fml is about the girlfriend minding, but more about announcing her confirmation about his tiny cattle prod. I mean after all a girlfriends duty is to " lift him up" right? Not put him down!
biggestfan23 11
Damn she blew up your spot. Stuff like that blows like wildfire throughout school
funnynesh 10
U should of said "when did you suddenly become gay?"
kimmi41509 10
You should have said "quality over quantity bitch!"
06rubiandrea_fml 5
Yes keep telling yourself that...
kimmi41509 10
It actually is the truth, unless you're a selfish bitch. :)
06rubiandrea_fml 5
and again...keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better...however it doesn't mean that is the truth...
kimmi41509 10
It is my opinion, and not only mine either. I'd much rather have a wider dick than a pencil dick where you probably couldn't even feel it.
06rubiandrea_fml 5
lool yeah sure... I guess you do have a tiny penis than!
kimmi41509 10
Lmfao im a girl so I don't even have a penis. You get an A for effort though.
06rubiandrea_fml 5
oh wow,thanks...