Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the...

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 20:59 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 172

You deserved it 3 846

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

CIA-level batshittery

Teacher's pet

This is war!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb's hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 72

By JG - 10/05/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 317

You deserved it 4 187

By leahkasscar - 03/05/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to clean the whole house as a surprise for my mother. When she came home, she screamed at me and called me a bitch because she had wanted to clean it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 960

You deserved it 358

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 705

You deserved it 3 307

By DEDMan - 28/10/2018 17:30

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 887

You deserved it 204

By al - 15/04/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 058

You deserved it 30 509

By Anonymous - 17/09/2011 08:17 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 301

You deserved it 51 838

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 414

You deserved it 4 995

By disappointed - 23/07/2012 01:05

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 4 191

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 03:06 - United States - Tyler

Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 796

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 19:56 - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 347

You deserved it 7 546

By CheatedOn - 14/02/2010 15:19 - Romania

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 550

You deserved it 2 380

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 821

You deserved it 2 594

By ashlyn - 06/08/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 382

You deserved it 3 131

Shocking reaction

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 14:00

Today, I was replacing some outlets for work and I got surprise-electrified. I threw my wire strippers in the air while yelling, "Oh fuck me." The homeowner and his 2 kids were standing 3 feet away. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 623

And you are?

By Firefighter Groom - 07/02/2021 23:01

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 46

By trippy - 24/06/2019 20:01

Today, my mom tripped over a curb and cried, because she “tripped and not even drunk.” I thought it was normal to trip over my own two feet several times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 204

Gasp

By cold - 15/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 197

You deserved it 576

By frenchfrypotater - 24/09/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 4 247

By snathans - 13/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 238

You deserved it 79 361

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 143

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 756

You deserved it 71 455

Thanks but no thanks.

By hoping to live to see next year - 29/07/2018 15:00

Today, my son surprised me by waking me up to be first to greet me a happy birthday. He was with his marching band buddies in full battle gear, playing the chorus of Stars and Stripes Forever. In my bedroom. At 5am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 633

By okaythen - 02/03/2016 23:50 - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 257

You deserved it 1 527

By severely late.... again! - 26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 901

You deserved it 250

Hi, how are you?

By black_pheonix77 - 03/07/2020 02:02

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 2 153

By jsmills92 - 21/12/2012 00:26 - United States - Cranston

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 4 426

By paytonallyce - 03/10/2016 02:32 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 802

You deserved it 1 294

By fml boy - 25/03/2019 02:00

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 321

Winning

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 414

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 007

You deserved it 38 703

By Maddie - 20/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 849

You deserved it 5 614

By mislabelled mother - 24/03/2018 01:30

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 5 508

By Unteachable - 08/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 210

You deserved it 780

Get on with it

By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 771

You deserved it 7 055

They're all eggheads to me

By sadie - 13/03/2021 23:01

Today, my daughter once again called my boyfriend by the name of an ex-boyfriend. She always does this and she claims it’s because they’re all bald. Can she not remember their very distinct faces? FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 384

By journeytotheend - 14/07/2012 06:55 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 199

You deserved it 27 976

Definitely done that

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 1 096

Damn kids!

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 13:57

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 158

See you soon

By CoffeeBoy - 06/11/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at Starbucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 6 461

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Top comments

aantho_fml 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:28

Was it being driven by Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves?

chester75 5

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:27

Well at least you didn't instinctively run and get squished :)

chester75 5

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:27

Well at least you didn't instinctively run and get squished :)

TalkingTowelTim 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:42

I can just imagine you being like, "Whew, thank God it didn't break." Then seeing the bus coming and just being like, "Fuck, that sucks."

boating_guy 33

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:43

Seems like something you'd see in a movie haha

gntfmlingnow 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:48

You obviously didn't have a Nokia, for the bus would have exploded into a fiery blaze

kristabelli 19

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:48

Omg that happened to me in December!

_Oblivion_ 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 4:39

You called?

XxHoPPoxX 8

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Sunday 22 January 2012 12:08

Same thing happened to me but my phone was so screwed it was sent into skyrim

Dinkle 1

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Monday 23 January 2012 7:46

Aha, i see what you did thar..

llZombiell 5

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Monday 23 January 2012 15:47

:( awe oblivion made me think of elder scrolls and I was hoping to see a shot in the knee by an arrow joke. Fyl op

aantho_fml 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:28

Was it being driven by Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves?

LawSixx 11

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:43

I'm sure was didn't you see the scene where they the baby stroller? That was the OP she was more worried bout her phone then the stroller filled with cans. I kid :)

LawSixx 11

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:48

Hit* man can't believe I missed that word damnit

EvilCupcake8361 9

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Sunday 22 January 2012 4:49

That didn't fix anything but nice try buddy. *pats back*

bubo_fml 10

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Sunday 22 January 2012 5:56

Sandra Bollocks more like...

jonan1212 5

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Sunday 22 January 2012 6:48

Yoda, you talk like

AssassinsCRB 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:32

What does OP mean

iamabamf 17

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:34

Original poster

drooller 9

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:36

Phone got squashed by a car

AssassinsCRB 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:36

Thanks a million

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:58

OP means Orbital Projectile cannon. It's a new weapon being created by the U.S. Goverment as a top secret weapon, similar to Reagan's "star wars" idea. I would tell you the details, but then U.S. agents will go after me. This is what OP means....

flockz 19

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:00

outstanding penis. Example: "woah, flockz has an OP."

theLword1221 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:19

Lol suurree

pinecone1414 6

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:40

Dammit! I spent my whole life thinking it was orangutang pimp.

_Oblivion_ 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 4:51

I prefer to reder it to Orgasmic Platypus. But Orange Penis works just as well too

Ghouly_fml 7

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Sunday 22 January 2012 6:31

Your all wrong it stands for!: Orbital Penis!

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Sunday 22 January 2012 6:35

Optimus Prime, guys. Jesus, you're all noobs.

boredblonde 17

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:32

Same thing happened to my friend...except the "bus" was a kid on a tricycle...

JustinComments 3

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:55

The kid couldn't think to stop? I could understand a bus.

boredblonde 17

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:17

Fell right in front of her...it was...a tragedy.

thisisafunnyname 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:26

Your friend dropped a kid on a tricycle into the street?

boredblonde 17

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:59

*facepalm* yes, 37, yes!

GoW_Chick 14

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Sunday 22 January 2012 8:02

Did it hurt hitting yourself in the face 53?

Gringe 1

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Sunday 22 January 2012 12:53

Ahaha cuz shes blonde! U guys r sooo original!

bkaneshiro14 0

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 10:53

No, 94. It's because she's a dumb bitch.

Climaxx 11

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:33

Phones can be replaced, you mam', can not.

boredblonde 17

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:39

Do you mean: ma'am?

BarDownDaily 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 3:35

14- She means penguin.

Gringe 1

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Sunday 22 January 2012 12:55

Wow... And u criticize blondies intelligence?

BarDownDaily 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 18:45

95- What are you talking about?

hiitisbrooke 26

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:34

Be happy you're not dead.

Pentium_4 26

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:40

your picture is awesome. too bad OP lost her contacts, those take forever to get back

ladyLALAA 28

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Sunday 22 January 2012 11:35

Unless you have an iPhone, bazinga.

lolyeahthatsme 11

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 16:56

Haha I was thinking err...no she can just bring it to the store and have them transfer the contacts but then I was like omg I am sooo stupid the phone is flipping crushed!

lolyeahthatsme 11

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:35

hopefully it wasn't a really nice phone ^.^

bitchesbcrazy 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:35

If you had gone to pick it up, you definitely would have had a few more problems to deal with

fattylumptard 1

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:35

Don't jay walk and that won't happen.

downtime 12

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Monday 23 January 2012 3:04

10, Oddly enough objects don't always land in one specific pattern. Traffic is still moving around the individual and could easily have falled in its path. Try again.