Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
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Top comments
rp713 4
If she was on top she was in control, why should it be your fault?
MelTheGreat 23
Or maybe she just has different priorities, or A.D.D... But you probably do suck in this case.
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Comments (92)
MoodiQ 8
its obvious you dont need a tele-SCOOP to see it
tman1985 9
Doesn't matter: got ice cream
NodakN8V 25
Sounds like it's "hmm the ceiling needs to be painted" comment next time she's on top
fivehuskies 6
If she was on you, it's kinda her job to make it good. What can you do laying down?
birds_fml 7
You can rub her clit. You've got both hands free, so put your thumb between her legs and rub it.
C0mmanderKeen 9
I love sex with my boyfriend but I'm easily distracted and sometimes I can start thinking of stuff or get bored but it's not his fault! maybe she just got distracted and had to have some ice cream! Or you just have to make sex more interesting. try something new! blow her mind! ;)
itooamscrewed 10
She probably is telling you you're bad. Or maybe she's sick of you getting off and then doing nothing to try and get her off. Put some more effort into her pleasure and she won't do that again
quinny_1024 18
Tell her practice makes perfect
vikky538 29
keep the oole straight it solves all the issues...
RedPillSucks 33
Takes two to have good sex
GentlemanBastard 15
I dunno, man. I might stop mid-thrust to get some Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Buns. That shit is like an ****** for the taste buds.