Work: Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 026

09/04/2015 07:55

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 3 562

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

What a catch

22/07/2014 17:39

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 273

You deserved it 44 623

19/09/2010 14:12

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 360

You deserved it 4 196

Snap!

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 206

You deserved it 3 202

11/12/2012 18:16

Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 069

You deserved it 25 229

12/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 415

20/06/2019 04:45

Today, after driving 900 miles, the tongue on my trailer broke ten miles away from home. I was stuck on the side of the road for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 123

16/01/2013 10:48

Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 015

You deserved it 7 013

12/06/2015 16:51

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 5 122

16/05/2009 13:06

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 930

You deserved it 5 083

18/05/2013 12:54

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 440

You deserved it 21 667

06/11/2012 18:34

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 082

You deserved it 3 391

25/06/2009 03:05

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 155

You deserved it 6 204

Delusions

By Ilikeurfmls - 06/09/2020 05:05

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 111

Happy… where d'he go?

By Lonely - 05/09/2021 04:59

Today, it's our fifth-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I gave him his gift and walked over to the kitchen to serve him some food I'd made. On my way back to the dining room, I overheard his plans with his friend to ditch me in 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 81

18/08/2013 00:27

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 590

You deserved it 4 823

First dates suck

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 283

06/06/2009 20:16

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 862

You deserved it 10 140

10/10/2014 21:51

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 24 238

Pretend

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 16:34

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 614

You deserved it 6 929

02/10/2009 11:31

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 232

You deserved it 3 843

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 057

You deserved it 8 676

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - 09/10/2021 15:30

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 118

You deserved it 4 579

30/04/2013 22:23

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 150

You deserved it 46 754

21/07/2009 08:49

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 601

You deserved it 3 509

18/09/2009 23:28

Today, I was at work when my mother texted me, "You take a nice picture." I replied, "What picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You're even smiling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 45 970

16/08/2011 22:09

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 887

You deserved it 35 506

Side effects

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 111

Hmmmm, breakfast

By Spiderchick - 26/09/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 111

10/04/2009 06:59

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 279

You deserved it 3 841

02/06/2012 12:47

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 708

You deserved it 5 437

Bite me

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 02:00

Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 172

15/09/2011 02:35

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 848

You deserved it 4 980

10/11/2011 18:22

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 824

You deserved it 3 966

19/09/2016 13:54

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 743

You deserved it 1 052

05/10/2012 02:45

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 920

You deserved it 4 215

12/12/2008 03:31

Spicy

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 216

You deserved it 3 799

23/12/2015 09:06

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 878

You deserved it 3 710

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 1 887

31/08/2012 07:57

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 617

You deserved it 23 790

12/06/2009 15:05

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 712

You deserved it 4 357

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Top comments

middlenamefrank 8

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:49

How was your service? Did you assume that you didn't have to serve her like any other customer? Perhaps YDI.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:38

She's acting like you did when she served you food as a child... Different being is that it isn't cute for an adult.

Comments

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:29

Depends on whether or not you gave bad service.

NYM88 26

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:47

Or it's called tough love?

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Friday 10 April 2015 3:50

Or degeneracy

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:29

Going to be awkward at the house...

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:36

if she lives with her mom.. we don't even know if mom and op have a good relationship. ..

incoherentrmblr 21

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Friday 10 April 2015 8:30

Or if OP is male/female. I hope she doesn't complain about you not having a job if you get fired b/c of her actions...

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:48

Or better yet, OP can give no "Thank you" or respect at the dinner table when she serves him. She can be immature at his place of work, OP can be immature at her place of work.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:05

#17, except OP's mom doesn't have a boss, so she can snap right back unlike OP here

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:17

#17, to say that OP's mother's 'place of work' is at home serving people dinner is ridiculous. You could've just left it at 'when she serves him' and left your sexist undertone out of it while still making your point.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:35

It's not mandatory to pay tip

classicsparkles 17

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Friday 10 April 2015 2:56

3: Why would that make a difference? A customer complaining (even if they are "some crazy ass bitch") while you're serving them is more likely than not to get you in trouble. 58: No one said it was.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:29

Your mom seems like a wonderful person....

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:29

did you do something wrong?

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:30

Bitches man

socialproduct 19

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Friday 10 April 2015 3:59

Man, bitches.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:32

It's gonna be awkward when you have dinner at home.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:32

It sounds like Mom doesn't want you to leave home, so she's gonna try and make it so you lose your job so you'll have to go and live at home again, indefinitely.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 19:41

making a lot of assumptions there, aren't we?

Darkness_Hate 29

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:34

Refusing to tip is something but not complaining to your boss.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 16:34

Wow that sucks you should totally quit your mom.

socialproduct 19

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:01

Just make sure you can get a good referral when you're interviewing for a new mom.