Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.
Emmy_The_Great 2
I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.
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Comments (152)
zzzBOLTzzz 1
"She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML" YDI for having bad grammer...
poopdayz 6
Yes, because his grammar was the issue right?
Bobissmall 13
grammer? I can't even facepalm hard enough.
dawg92746 3
How the **** is that even bad grammar? **** off
MrBigMeat_fml 0
the wasp could've masturbated by watching u
poopdayz 6
I probably would've stopped or freaked out too. Although I am very allergic to wasp stings o.O
JumbledGirl 2
that's a big clip from walmart?!? I want one!
pip74205 9
Its a wasp. If I had to get stung to give me a good shot at a hot chick, I wouldn't even think twice. Man up.
Penney747 0
yahaaahahahah pussy
pedobear123 0
just whip it out man...
LittlexSparrow 0
Oh my goodness I sympathize with you!! I hate wasps..especially when they ruin sexy time^-*
D0MR0G3 3
she's lying and probably just doesnt want to have sex for other reasons
supamanst 0
ROFL @ "turned off forever" lmao
ckjacques53198 0
I wouldn't care if it stung me. Keep banging!!!