Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.
Emmy_The_Great 2
I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.
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Comments (152)
Human_Delilah 0
i Bet tha wasp Was Hoping To get in on the action..
CountOrlandu 3
buddy you gotta man up and be a champ when your giving it to the girlfriend otherwise your next FML will be about some other dude putting it to her...
stevenmx86 8
Your greatest fear is wasps? I hope you're allergic to them or you're a pretty big wuss...
underguarded 20
Some people have never been stung in their lives or have to many times and don't want to. Wasps are an insect just like Spiders and TONS of people are scared of those. difference is not all sliders can hurt you and every type of wasp can. If anything, being scared if spiders is more pussy then a wasp.
LilSideTwerk 0
Uhm some people have phobias , And I know there's something You're afraid of so just STFU? Who cares if he is? I'm afraid of All bugs except ladybugs and Butterflies ! and baby worms . ok ? so Pick on some one your own size
lovinit5683 0
#42, I completely agree with #52..., some people have phobias so stfu! And #44 I don't think it is wussy being afraid of spiders or wasp. I have phobias of both.
gandhislayer 6
And last time i check spiders werent insects. Check your facts before you look like a fool. Oh wait...too late.
Bobissmall 13
They're small, annoying, and squish easily... what's the huge difference? Spiders are like ants but with 8 legs!
underguarded 20
My boyfriend makes awkward faces during sex and sometimes weird noises but , that doesn't discourage me. I'm having sex to be close with him, be intimate with him. the funny things are what can make sex great and an even more enjoyable experience . she should have laughed and not been so uptight about something that could have been a great conversation starter after.
ShakeMeDown 12
43 - you bore me with your comment
nephilim241 19
anyone else having the vision of OP looking like Michael Cera? In any case fyl OP, with a hint of ydi just because you made my ribs hurt from a genuine lol
Nemmycakes 3
Now I know to buy wasp spray with condoms, just in case.
ShakeMeDown 12
the wasp couldn't help it... it is born from pure evil what was it going to do? let you enjoy the moment? no.
dookiedoo 0
next time just start yelling DROPPIN LOADS
angryoriental 0
why do people give actual advice on fml? do you really think the op's will actually take it ?
annihil8or 15
Always keep raid handy, that stuff never fails