Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
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Top comments
Bloodknight 22
Haha, you totally deserve it. Not how you approach the subject of even possibly one day having a kid. I'd be leery of letting you touch me too if I was her.
silvermoonstar3 3
That's what I was going to say, only I was going to say it in English. It is way too early to talk about having babies if you haven't even had sex!
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Comments (110)
Subjectzero 0
you are a moron. Juno is a bad movie and that scene is awful to tell a woman she should have your kid.
arms_akimbo 0
Anyone who says "happy sack" should be punched in the face with a brick.
Howdyplz 2
Wow, i'm a 14 year old girl and even I know that the mentioning of babies is the WORST mood killer in history. I think i'd punch a guy in his "happy sacks" if he ever tried to whisper something so cheesy to me...
Luna_the_Loser 0
I dunno about anyone else here, but if my boyfriend was suggesting we have a baby at any time, the relationship would be over 'cause hey! Guess where babies come from and why some girls aren't actually interested!
Marcelb 17
if that is the case, it might be smart to tell any guy who is going to date you, that you never want to have children :)
Sparkiee93 3
Okay, think about how you'd feel if you had to squeeze another human being out of a small intimate part of your body while you also deal with the absolutely worse stomach and back aches you could ever imagine at the same time. Not to pleasant? Now personally I I'd find that cute because I can't wait for a baby ^^ But you gotta be sensitive to chix who don't.
shutyourmouth 0
See, now if i were your gf and you said that to me, it just says that you're gonna try to get me preggers, but that might just be me...
DocWatson 0
YDI, cause girls aren't TURNED ON by giving birth. Neither do we find it ROMANTIC to think of squeezing a baby out of there. Maybe your comment would have been more romantic at a DIFFERENT point in the movie than the act of childbirth. Or in a movie where the teenage girl doesn''t have an unwanted pregnancy.
skull2227 0
YDI its ok to want to have children in the future, but damn you killed it, no girl wants to hear that. MOOD KILLER
Ashbashcrashed 0
Kids (for a woman)= no go: Painful, they make you fat, crazy hormones, crazy cravings, they take all your money, and then, when they're finally born (and the birth is like war...), they don't ever shut up. EVER. Kids (for a man)= Struggle for more money, dealing with cravings/mood swings, conventially broken hand and then waking up in the night to look after the li'l un/brat. So why couldn't you just watch Juno WITHOUT bringing kids up??
onnielief 4
You definitely deserved that one (ok, so hitting you in the balls was a bit over the top). You don't discuss kids during a teenage pregnancy movie! YDI