Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
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Top comments
Bloodknight 22
Haha, you totally deserve it. Not how you approach the subject of even possibly one day having a kid. I'd be leery of letting you touch me too if I was her.
silvermoonstar3 3
That's what I was going to say, only I was going to say it in English. It is way too early to talk about having babies if you haven't even had sex!
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Comments (110)
Turtles_rock 0
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
FoundManyLemons 0
YDI, YDI, YDI. The hell is wrong with you?
sgaske 3
Happy sacks aren't so happy anymore huh? Dipshit.
wilt 0
Wow. What a smoothie. YDI for not paying enough attention to the movie to get an understanding of "appropriate" timing. A movie about a girl getting pregnant and considering adopting the child out??? I'll go so far as to say you won't be together for much longer. Or wear a cup.
SxyJenQT 0
hah pretty funny! Anywayz I'm bored lol if anyone wants to chat I'm on y!h00 name IsabelSekezy xoxo Jen
dreamer_180 0
you're an idiot for saying that to her you def deserved it
cmac86 24
sounds like she's a good girlfriend. I mean it, I'm not being sarcastic. if she wants to (supposedly) keep her virginity until marriage, respect that. plus Juno? an illegitimate child with a couple of teens who aren't even out of high school yet? that just screams romance.
Lilman11 0
hey cmac86 u might b right or maybe she's a big time ***** and he's not good enough
Marcelb 17
how can anyone not be good enough for a big time *****? :P except for non-persons like wife beaters etc.
hurul_ayni 0
wrong thing to say. Juno gave up her baby for adoption. Lmao. Plus the baby was out of wedlock. Not that matters, but maybe your girlfriend was relating that to what u said. Plus if yall never talked about kids or you haven't been together long you probably should wait till yall had.
muboshgu 0
that's probably the dumbest thing you could've said