Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bloodknight 22
Haha, you totally deserve it. Not how you approach the subject of even possibly one day having a kid. I'd be leery of letting you touch me too if I was her.
silvermoonstar3 3
That's what I was going to say, only I was going to say it in English. It is way too early to talk about having babies if you haven't even had sex!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
Mx_Rider 6
lmfao i laughed out loud when i read this nonsense hahah u dork ydi make her suck your dick then?
TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0
YDI
alicespoons 17
Damn I wish there was a button for that or something.
MiniatureMayhem 0
That's it, happy sacks is an official term now.
wreckoftheday16 0
sorry, accidentally thumbed you down :(
JassyJas 2
seriously what's with everyone saying happy sacks?
Mx_Rider 6
happy sacks happy sacks happy sacks now what?
sirknz 0
You're supposed to say 'Happy Sacks' into the mirror 3 times and then Happy Sacks appears behind you. True story.
tifney737 0
you idiot you so deserved it!! what kind of guys says that to a GIRLFRIEND!?! you say that to a wife or maybe even fiancé but gf? your crazy I'd have broken up with you... you got off light with a punch
jchansfan 0
What the OP said was deinetly coming on strong, and kinda creepy in a lot of contexts, however breaking up with someone over a failed attempt of romance? Don't you think that's being rather extreme? lol You can tell how smooth these OPs are when they talk about their "happy sacks"...
cradle6 13
^How the hell would you know? They could have been together for 7 years as far as you know.
Kellypoo 0
yes, it's very romantic to have an illegitimate child and give it up for adoption. little girls dream of the day they become teen pregnant.
perdix 31
She doesn't want children and you've ruined the whole relationship by saying that you do. Move on, it's over. Sorry, you probably puked from the nutsack attack during Juno. It was a good movie. If you take a date to see "Fatal Attraction," wear a cup. No, make that full-body armor.
FarSide 23
Really. I thought my wife was going to cut off dear "Wally, the one-eyed wonder weasel" during "Fatal Attraction".
MyMichaelJackson 0
hahhahhahahaahaha
Superawesomestev 0
seriously, ydi.