Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
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Top comments
Bloodknight 22
Haha, you totally deserve it. Not how you approach the subject of even possibly one day having a kid. I'd be leery of letting you touch me too if I was her.
silvermoonstar3 3
That's what I was going to say, only I was going to say it in English. It is way too early to talk about having babies if you haven't even had sex!
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Comments (110)
whitechocolate17 0
I would be SOO so happy if my boyfriend had said that !! ANd I'm sure I can't be the only one to feel that way. Saying that means COMMITMENT. And that's a big thing :)
bostonfan 0
uh, thats really sweet(if sweet means really ******* corny), but no one wants to think about babies. thinking about changing shitty diapers and staying up all night helping a crying child kind of kills the mood, okay? you have to be some what of a bitch to punch a guy in the nuts for that, but come on
damnwtfdude 0
Ditch the bitch. Punching you in the nuts for that? WTF? If he had done anything similar to her, he'd likely be in jail. But a girl does it, and it's ****** hilarious. Just tell him you don't want a baby. No need to break up with him, punch him in the nuts, or any other insanity over a little comment.
everyone1232 0
what a bitch...if i said that it would probably mean unlimited sex for the rest of my life. when do we guys ever say that, unless we are in our late thirties
ursonotknowin 6
awwww. ur girlfriend is a bitch. i wouldn't have hit you. it seemed like you were trying to be sweet/ cute.
delfoxio 0
have you talked about having kids before or getting married? fyi, a movie is not the time to spring the idea on your girl if you've never talked about it before. if you have, then your girl is a bitch
awaisan3 0
she seems nice! lol
meatballslicer 0
HA that a girl!
nerf456 0
ydi for calling them happy sacks
SaturnE_fml 0
So, next time a woman tells me she'd like to get married during a movie, should I slap her **** off?