Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves....

By Ignitingmylightsaber - 18/10/2009 11:29 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 3 558

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Same thing different taste

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 160

You deserved it 8 656

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 203

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 422

You deserved it 7 538

This doesn't feel nice

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 653

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 263

You deserved it 4 006

By cherrycokeee - 06/02/2010 18:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 898

You deserved it 7 043

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 896

You deserved it 10 259

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 183

You deserved it 9 755

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 180

You deserved it 5 958

Vibe check

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 17 638

skyeyez9 24

Sunday 18 October 2009 17:11

its funny what couples do once they are comfortable with each other.

nel15 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 16:47

LOL. She's a keeper!

Comments

MLSxxox 3

Sunday 18 October 2009 19:24

#9 fail...

kukopia 0

Monday 19 October 2009 20:03

hook line and sinker

Zezing 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 10:54

#9 win actually

TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 19:26

that big, huh? haha sounds like shes a keeper

LeStab 4

Sunday 18 October 2009 19:27

lol " she took my meat in her hand " greatest line ever any way probably would have been an FML if she didnt do anything

couturefab 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 21:06

it sucks you down on her, and all she did in return is use your man junk as a light sabor in return

couturefab 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 21:13

and i don't get why people think she awesome for playin with your man junk like a light sabor instead of sucking it.

tayza249 20

Tuesday 19 April 2011 14:40

not everyone wants to put a dick in their mouth

kindness 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 22:43

how slack. and stupid.

Clitastrophe 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 23:15

Oh no! Your life is over! That was sarcasm. Your life was probably over already if that's all it takes to **** your life up.

Bananaaa_fml 0

Monday 19 October 2009 1:07

It means that he did everything that she asked for you knob jockey!!

misspeg 0

Monday 19 October 2009 1:27

hahaha love your comment InfectedWithDrew!

chickyblue 0

Monday 19 October 2009 1:28

Well she's right "the meat" is disgusting !!!!!!

Keywords

Relatable Students Work Mental health Parenting Kids Embarrassing Love Awkward Family Wanker Intimacy First Dates AITA Singing Animals Cats Weddings Public freakouts Bodyshaming Cops Transportation Cars Sex Sexism Growing old Health Periods Job interview Education

The Top

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 215

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 819

You deserved it 7 129

The Top

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 542

You deserved it 6 288

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 97

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 063

You deserved it 4 572

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 346

You deserved it 78 668

Today, my boss is out of the office and sent me an e-mail asking me to multiply two numbers together and send her the result. Apparently she doesn't know that her smartphone has a calculator app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 589

You deserved it 187

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 777

You deserved it 41 866