Intimacy: Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy,...

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 094

You deserved it 9 720

Intimacy

Best teeth in the game

The smell detective is on the case

Mom of the year

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 97

By Claustrophobic - 04/04/2013 07:12 - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 2 411

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 369

You deserved it 2 018

By La Guigne - 08/04/2013 21:10 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 588

You deserved it 7 860

By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 2 289

How does that work?

By Denise - 26/07/2020 17:00

Today, the girl I hired and trained took my director's position. She's not even been there a month. I didn't do anything to lose it, they just decided she was more qualified. At least I was good at picking employees I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 99

By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 121

You deserved it 6 254

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - 18/01/2016 01:48 - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 106

You deserved it 1 611

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 175

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 774

You deserved it 30 623

By Aaron - 09/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 638

You deserved it 4 872

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 12:00

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 08:57 - United States - Portland

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 899

You deserved it 3 194

Gamers rise up

By Games - 20/07/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because his online gaming friends don't like it when I ask him to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 119

By Kylee Day - 27/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 365

By Dkim620 - 07/01/2013 03:16 - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 437

You deserved it 4 343

By Bechara - 13/06/2011 09:11 - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 471

You deserved it 4 502

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 5 629

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 08:07 - Australia - Boronia

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 350

You deserved it 4 312

By prisym - 30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 327

You deserved it 766

By wowimscrewed - 14/04/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 606

You deserved it 32 763

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 37 693

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 07:18 - United States - Modesto

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 4 060

By mydatinglifesucks - 15/06/2014 06:31 - United States

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 773

You deserved it 6 767

By Anonymous - 28/02/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 422

You deserved it 14 136

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 561

You deserved it 15 124

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 336

You deserved it 20 846

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 3 589

By deflower - 22/01/2013 08:09 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 5 016

By malnourishedstudent - 08/06/2016 08:38 - United States - Palm Coast

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 449

You deserved it 1 475

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 577

You deserved it 5 471

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 831

You deserved it 2 283

By bunnylover - 15/03/2010 16:44 - Canada

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 031

You deserved it 3 482

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 08:39 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 519

You deserved it 6 778

By MakeMeASandwich - 10/06/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 233

You deserved it 8 906

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 686

You deserved it 3 931

By accidentalnorman - 07/12/2015 10:11

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 201

You deserved it 30 917

By hungry - 08/03/2012 19:15 - Canada

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 419

You deserved it 3 182

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 14:01

Today, after working for the same company for over 20 years, someone from upper management told me they’d accidentally been overpaying me all these years, not a huge issue, but would I mind giving the money back in one lump sum by the end of the month? UM, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 50

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 219

You deserved it 60 710

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Top comments

starile 19

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:08

JOSHUA! I mean... Janet?

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:25

Did you get her name wrong darling? Whoops! ~ Either that or she completely missed the concept and thought you were trying to get her attention.

starile 19

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:08

JOSHUA! I mean... Janet?

_Ama_Lia_V_ 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 12:41

Lmao...

KingDingALing 9

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Thursday 9 September 2010 15:13

OP- You should've said "Say my name, bitch!"

priscilla_28 5

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:33

Seems like maybe you didn't say it right, or it was too low for her to hear? Or maybe she just didn't get the "sexy" and replied. :)

violetsweety 26

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:56

#1 lmfaooo Op, Lmfaoo

yuhimjesus 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:12

that's not even a slight chuckle FML. more like a " coolstorybro " kinda thing.

wacky950 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 14:34

cool story bro

Shitz_N_Gigglez 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 17:22

cool story bro.

i_lold_at_ur_fml 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 19:07

what about riveting tale, chap

pwincessa23 1

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Thursday 9 September 2010 19:58

2 lioks like a teacher i had in high school. hahaha HIGH -> bong. lol jk but he does look a lot like him... o.O

pwincessa23 1

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Thursday 9 September 2010 20:00

I meant looks* b4 the grammar Nazis come. lol I honestly dgaf if they do.

Alphreak 0

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Friday 10 September 2010 0:00

2 looks like he's sucking a dick.

hahafylop 4

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Friday 10 September 2010 4:24

That's what I thought too...

chili10 18

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Friday 10 September 2010 8:45

i seriously can not get used to 2's picture. everytime I see it I'm like "woah, what's that?"

sweatyanready 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 5:56

are you hittin the steam roller in your pic?

iluvcucumbers 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 1:15

cool story bro

yuhimjesus 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:12

hitting a bong.

maliboo 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 23:14

what's in ur mouth?

JassyJas 2

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:16

mustve been the wrong name :O

MagicMeds 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 20:11

No, that's what people generally reply when you say their name, but only a complete moron does so during sex.

sillybabee 3

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:17

haha I love it(:

Einstein714 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 14:01

I see you cropped out your boobs

WYK_fml 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 15:02

That's not her, that picture's on a lot of websites.

j44_fml 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 20:32

oh my...

husky88 1

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:24

quien?

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:25

Did you get her name wrong darling? Whoops! ~ Either that or she completely missed the concept and thought you were trying to get her attention.

FYLDeep 25

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:35

Maybe he should have just called her "darling"?

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:47

Fuhohohoho!~ Petnames are the ultimate safety feature!

MmissyT 8

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:55

was that your way of laughing or something? lmao

sammiller4 3

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:55

I don't think he got her name wrong. she probably thought he was gonna tell her something or possibly ask her a ques

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:59

@21; Of course, darling.

linlin223 3

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Thursday 9 September 2010 10:49

23- i enjoy your laughh! mines kufufu

Reynaaa 0

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Monday 13 September 2010 2:47

lol are you supposed to be superman?

starile 19

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:27

Cuando?

ReconX 2

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:34

We don't speek Mexican here... Ehem ¡No hablas espanol!

El_Mero_Mero 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:36

this not a FML! maybe she was all in the mood and she didn't know what to think. op you did a badass job. lol damn I need find a girl. FML...

nascar1477 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 9:45

ydi for having a japanese robot girlfriend

machiko_fml 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 19:12

Reference to zettai kareshi much?

BlakeeeDrummer 0

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Thursday 9 September 2010 20:48

hahaha

Sailor_Mars 6

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Friday 10 September 2010 2:03

could be chobits too ^.^

me_is_lala 2

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Friday 10 September 2010 7:52

chobits is fricken awesome

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 53

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 41

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 103

Time flies by

How does that work?

Leave it to the pros

Gamers rise up

Better Call Saul

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