Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at... - FML

By IceMage - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Intense

Vibe check

By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, a brief survey of everyone I know revealed that everyone, including my parents, sibling, and best friends, thinks I'm gay. I had to do the first reverse coming out in history. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - College Station

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

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By screwed.over - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

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By BadStuden - Canada

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

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By Poolfool

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

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By fthislyfe - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

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By Brett

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

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By foreverafatty - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

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By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

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By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

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By NotFromAustralia - United States - Denver

Today, I thought the earwig infestation that had plagued my basement apartment for weeks had finally solved itself. Turns out the black widow infestation took care of it for me. Time to move. FML

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By purrtygirl - United States

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

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By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By sorryyouweregone - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

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By Insomniac

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

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By ToobyFrank - United States

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

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By cchandler - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By unlucky - United States - Cold Spring

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gerber

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

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By bodhimae - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

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By JackNicholsonInChinatown

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 05:00 - United States

Drama abounds

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

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By madisonbubch - United States - Vine Grove

Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML

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By NotYourDaddy

Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

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By Jason - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

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By Alex - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

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By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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By lady parts - United States - Lake Bluff

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

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By plasticfantastic - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

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Top comments

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

COMMENTS

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#781791 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:41

Minnesota people don't think ahead like that.

Reply

Feverrotes | 15

#781911 - Monday 18 January 2010 11:09

#8 said it all.

Reply

kavanaghnesd | 0

#782923 - Monday 18 January 2010 23:09

This

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#984816 - Sunday 25 April 2010 21:39

haha. this happened too me. expect I was babysitting and they came home from the bar early but they were drunk and my dad loves my bf so they didn't care(:
yay for stoner parents!!

Reply

scotty1234 | 0

#1275352 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:01

#8 is telling the truth

Reply

pattyrick4321 | 0

#3182414 - Friday 26 August 2011 14:01

you hide in the closet, have gf say you left, have her sneak you your clothes, then sneak out

By Mustardnight | 3

#781742 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You sure won't! Ydi!

By Piika_fml | 0

#781743 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You should've made sure that her parents weren't going to be home.

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#783728 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:42

Yep. Casanova was always prepared for any eventuality: clothes, time available, escape route, or just a VERY good excuse

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#781756 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:31

you guys are some dumbasses lol YDI

Reply

z620 | 0

#874414 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:48

thank u #4 this is fail

By Nic_hole | 0

#781767 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:34

Ha...umm well that wasn't such a bright idea

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

Reply

Maddoctor | 10

#781836 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:04

That's hilarious! I can just bet what the neighbors were thinking when they saw that.

Reply

alexis1997 | 0

#783209 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:26

i had to run 5 miles back home and naked

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#2066062 - Thursday 10 February 2011 10:53

I'm suprised you weren't arrested

Reply

ynghzze | 0

#2259926 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:37

sukz ballz

Reply

shyeahh_fml | 19

#5215869 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 4:02

Funny, his bio says he was born in '93.

By FMYLIFEd00ds | 0

#781794 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:42

What kind of idiot are you?
Make sure they left the house, and have the clothes close by, so you can pretend she was taking a shower and you were reading a book :D

By orph_the_d | 5

#781821 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:55

Stupid much? I'd ask you wtf you were thinking but that's fairly obvious. Still, FYL for being stupid enough to flush future bootie calls right down the ol drain.

By silasandseansfml | 0

#781824 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:56

bad choice my friend ydi for just plain unpreparedness u should have been expecting something like that to happen and been ready for it

By blrkingjames | 0

#781865 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:18

oh wow.. very nicely planned out. I can see how it happened. mom and dad walks out the door gets to the driveway and the kids are in the shower.. oh wait moms coming back. nice job. lol fyl..