Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at... - FML

By IceMage - 18/1/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

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Compassion

Ghosted

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By ProtoBird - 14/4/2016 04:11 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got hit so hard in the head by a dodgeball that a contact popped right out. To make matters worse, I continued to get hit as a futilely searched for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

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By groundedasfuck - 24/5/2014 20:24 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

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By MicachuPikachu - 28/11/2013 06:39 - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

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By desertboi69 - 16/3/2019 16:00 - United States - Ridgecrest

Today, I was preparing my raw meat with tire grease. Literally. My girlfriend replaced my teriyaki sauce with tire grease, because, she later told me, she had sex with my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2015 18:46 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

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By stonehengeva - 27/7/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

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By TecheyTim - 1/4/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Instagone

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

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By Jgfenix - 22/9/2015 00:24 - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

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By Help - 26/11/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

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By chacha_bby - 23/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

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By - 25/2/2020 22:00

Her revenge

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

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By Sean - 9/10/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

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By kezbabes - 3/5/2014 18:15 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

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By Username - 4/5/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

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By SwimminginSweat - 27/2/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

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By FMBs - 30/4/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

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By Lissa - 10/9/2019 20:00

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

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By jodulieu - 2/9/2010 02:31 - France

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

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By Rawr - 30/12/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

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By good mom - 5/11/2019 19:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Who is the worst?

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

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By not amused - 19/5/2016 09:01 - Ireland - Cork

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

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By explanations - 14/6/2013 06:48 - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

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By Single4Life - 5/7/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

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By kaytiebobaytie - 24/1/2010 18:30 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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By rashree - 13/2/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

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By StickyWicket - 14/5/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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By forkmylife - 19/5/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, my school is having a mandatory class on etiquette. We've just now progressed onto forks after a long, tedious discussion on spoons. FML

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By ouch.... - 22/10/2013 01:24 - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

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By mk - 14/6/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

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By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By Julie - 26/8/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2012 01:31 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

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By Teach - 31/3/2015 07:40 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

COMMENTS

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#781791 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:41

Minnesota people don't think ahead like that.

Reply

Feverrotes | 15

#781911 - Monday 18 January 2010 11:09

#8 said it all.

Reply

kavanaghnesd | 0

#782923 - Monday 18 January 2010 23:09

This

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#984816 - Sunday 25 April 2010 21:39

haha. this happened too me. expect I was babysitting and they came home from the bar early but they were drunk and my dad loves my bf so they didn't care(:
yay for stoner parents!!

Reply

scotty1234 | 0

#1275352 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:01

#8 is telling the truth

Reply

pattyrick4321 | 0

#3182414 - Friday 26 August 2011 14:01

you hide in the closet, have gf say you left, have her sneak you your clothes, then sneak out

By Mustardnight | 3

#781742 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You sure won't! Ydi!

By Piika_fml | 0

#781743 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You should've made sure that her parents weren't going to be home.

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#783728 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:42

Yep. Casanova was always prepared for any eventuality: clothes, time available, escape route, or just a VERY good excuse

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#781756 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:31

you guys are some dumbasses lol YDI

Reply

z620 | 0

#874414 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:48

thank u #4 this is fail

By Nic_hole | 0

#781767 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:34

Ha...umm well that wasn't such a bright idea

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

Reply

Maddoctor | 10

#781836 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:04

That's hilarious! I can just bet what the neighbors were thinking when they saw that.

Reply

alexis1997 | 0

#783209 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:26

i had to run 5 miles back home and naked

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#2066062 - Thursday 10 February 2011 10:53

I'm suprised you weren't arrested

Reply

ynghzze | 0

#2259926 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:37

sukz ballz

Reply

shyeahh_fml | 19

#5215869 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 4:02

Funny, his bio says he was born in '93.

By FMYLIFEd00ds | 0

#781794 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:42

What kind of idiot are you?
Make sure they left the house, and have the clothes close by, so you can pretend she was taking a shower and you were reading a book :D

By orph_the_d | 5

#781821 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:55

Stupid much? I'd ask you wtf you were thinking but that's fairly obvious. Still, FYL for being stupid enough to flush future bootie calls right down the ol drain.

By silasandseansfml | 0

#781824 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:56

bad choice my friend ydi for just plain unpreparedness u should have been expecting something like that to happen and been ready for it

By blrkingjames | 0

#781865 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:18

oh wow.. very nicely planned out. I can see how it happened. mom and dad walks out the door gets to the driveway and the kids are in the shower.. oh wait moms coming back. nice job. lol fyl..