Love: Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at... - FML

By IceMage - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

This Charming Man

Inappropriate crush

By Mr. King - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst walking past a large pond-sized puddle, a double decker bus and a van slowed and drove around the puddle so as not to splash me. Thinking luck was on my side, I began walking more confidently, only for a tiny smart car to come hurtling past, causing a huge wave of water to hit me. FML

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By TrashGirl

Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

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By Teaching - United States

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

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By Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

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By Nutless - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

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By ajwwfc - 19/10/2020 23:03 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Bored of you

Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML

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By Dirtyrice - United States - Albuquerque

Dirty rice

Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell

Mixed signals

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

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By fucker43 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

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By dwellswithin - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

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By EwwGross - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 11:01

Honest mistake

Today, my girl and I with got caught having sex in the car by cops. They thought we were smoking bongs because the windows were foggy. FML

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By Kristinmarsh08 - United States

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply: "I gotta work that day." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

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By ruserious - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

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By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

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By unluckycounsellor - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 00:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Grow a backbone time!

Today, I had to stop going to university with 2 years left because my parents feel it's not the right course for me. I am 23 years-old, living with my parents, $2 to my name and no job. FML

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By daddy-o - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

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By Anonymous

Small comforts

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

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By Nothing Special - United States - Hixson

Today, it's been a week since I flew down to stay with my long distance boyfriend. We went on long walks on the shore, under the stars, and had an unforgettable picnic viewing the sunset. I just now received a message of screenshots displaying him attempting to hook up with another girl. FML

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By TheNotSoGoodDay - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

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By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

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By Tee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

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By Getmeoutofhere - Australia

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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By Prinpette - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

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By Eganstein - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

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By kodijack - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

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By Username - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

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Top comments

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

COMMENTS

By realggirl | 0

#781741 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

Wow, YDI for leaving your clothes downstairs!! What were you thinking? If they'd been up there with you you could have pretended it was just her showering!

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#781791 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:41

Minnesota people don't think ahead like that.

Reply

Feverrotes | 15

#781911 - Monday 18 January 2010 11:09

#8 said it all.

Reply

kavanaghnesd | 0

#782923 - Monday 18 January 2010 23:09

This

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#984816 - Sunday 25 April 2010 21:39

haha. this happened too me. expect I was babysitting and they came home from the bar early but they were drunk and my dad loves my bf so they didn't care(:
yay for stoner parents!!

Reply

scotty1234 | 0

#1275352 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:01

#8 is telling the truth

Reply

pattyrick4321 | 0

#3182414 - Friday 26 August 2011 14:01

you hide in the closet, have gf say you left, have her sneak you your clothes, then sneak out

By Mustardnight | 3

#781742 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You sure won't! Ydi!

By Piika_fml | 0

#781743 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:28

You should've made sure that her parents weren't going to be home.

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#783728 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:42

Yep. Casanova was always prepared for any eventuality: clothes, time available, escape route, or just a VERY good excuse

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#781756 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:31

you guys are some dumbasses lol YDI

Reply

z620 | 0

#874414 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:48

thank u #4 this is fail

By Nic_hole | 0

#781767 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:34

Ha...umm well that wasn't such a bright idea

By alexis1997 | 0

#781771 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

That happend 2 me once but my girls dad kicked my ass. Through me out of the house naked

Reply

Maddoctor | 10

#781836 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:04

That's hilarious! I can just bet what the neighbors were thinking when they saw that.

Reply

alexis1997 | 0

#783209 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:26

i had to run 5 miles back home and naked

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#2066062 - Thursday 10 February 2011 10:53

I'm suprised you weren't arrested

Reply

ynghzze | 0

#2259926 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:37

sukz ballz

Reply

shyeahh_fml | 19

#5215869 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 4:02

Funny, his bio says he was born in '93.

By FMYLIFEd00ds | 0

#781794 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:42

What kind of idiot are you?
Make sure they left the house, and have the clothes close by, so you can pretend she was taking a shower and you were reading a book :D

By orph_the_d | 5

#781821 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:55

Stupid much? I'd ask you wtf you were thinking but that's fairly obvious. Still, FYL for being stupid enough to flush future bootie calls right down the ol drain.

By silasandseansfml | 0

#781824 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:56

bad choice my friend ydi for just plain unpreparedness u should have been expecting something like that to happen and been ready for it

By blrkingjames | 0

#781865 - Monday 18 January 2010 10:18

oh wow.. very nicely planned out. I can see how it happened. mom and dad walks out the door gets to the driveway and the kids are in the shower.. oh wait moms coming back. nice job. lol fyl..