Miscellaneous: Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36314

You deserved it

2540

Tweet

Share

Season finale

BO Central

Goodbye Bill

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1066

You deserved it

2521

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 05:00

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1529

You deserved it

577

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37942

You deserved it

3376

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 23:01

Caught spunk-handed

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

608

You deserved it

1953

Tweet

Share

By chumman - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57995

You deserved it

20847

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Not lovin' it.

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4872

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By counselor - United States

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31173

You deserved it

9036

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33009

You deserved it

3315

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19140

You deserved it

54088

Tweet

Share

By ZeldaovaPeach - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15086

You deserved it

1188

Tweet

Share

By Bogrbon - 21/4/2020 14:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8385

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47774

You deserved it

8034

Tweet

Share

By teeth - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40322

You deserved it

2817

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2138

You deserved it

804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandparents visited. My grandpa kept getting off the couch and walking around to "stretch his legs." He kept kicking out my computer's network cable and messing up my game, smirking each time he did it. When I complained, my mom told me to shut up and show some respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17399

You deserved it

28196

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45672

You deserved it

15520

Tweet

Share

By Carlyclose

Today, I got rejected from Sephora, Walgreens and Ulta for being OVER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. Then, I got rejected from Estée Lauder, LVMH and Proctor and Gamble for being UNDER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5130

You deserved it

356

Tweet

Share

By nope! - 4/3/2020 12:00

Meanwhile, in 1953…

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By j4 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37460

You deserved it

2941

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32770

You deserved it

2833

Tweet

Share

By Fantastic - United States

Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12084

You deserved it

48643

Tweet

Share

By Nicked - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50914

You deserved it

15763

Tweet

Share

By lydiacoolness - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53423

You deserved it

6463

Tweet

Share

By fmlpanda - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39775

You deserved it

8336

Tweet

Share

By Bribri - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36715

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21149

You deserved it

1233

Tweet

Share

By MDoremis - United States - Honolulu

Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11632

You deserved it

1033

Tweet

Share

By Uh-oh - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7214

You deserved it

62341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26036

You deserved it

3971

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45620

You deserved it

2922

Tweet

Share

By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26789

You deserved it

3459

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25910

You deserved it

22244

Tweet

Share

By chris - United States

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13559

You deserved it

28000

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27798

You deserved it

2293

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8553

You deserved it

1523

Tweet

Share

By yogapants - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29165

You deserved it

14794

Tweet

Share

By eric - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22190

You deserved it

96193

Tweet

Share

By Mrs. Terrified - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30135

You deserved it

4477

Tweet

Share

By sotired - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36137

You deserved it

2398

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jazlyn1986 | 0

#781764 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:33

what an idiot! punch him!

By pariah13 | 0

#781793 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:42

you should kick his face in. that's sure to make you feel...somewhat better.

COMMENTS

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#781745 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:29

lol ur roommate is a dumbass...and first!

Reply

krnmafia92 | 0

#781759 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:31

Make him pay for your stuff or steal his as a replacement.

@#1 You're a dumbass for saying "first!"

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#782185 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:03

Agreed, it was completely his fault for leaving the door like that so he should pay. And "...were all stolen*"

Reply

blakehilli8 | 0

#790891 - Friday 22 January 2010 15:10

If none of the roomates stuff was stolen then he can sue.

Reply

iAlwaysYDI | 0

#872605 - Friday 19 February 2010 17:31

ur roomate is a fucking retard.

By alexsannell | 13

#781748 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:30

omg lmmfao. he's smart af.

By realggirl | 0

#781749 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:30

Yeah, that sucks OP.

By Mustardnight | 3

#781751 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:30

What a douche. You should claim some money from him.

By jazlyn1986 | 0

#781764 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:33

what an idiot! punch him!

By Nic_hole | 0

#781773 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:35

haha your roomate is, not so bright but I bet he's awesome! to be friends with lolz gawd I would be so pist at him!!!!

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#781777 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:36

well #5 ur just a dumbass.

By nikkers | 0

#781790 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:40

was any of his stuff stolen?? FYL pw thats awful

By pariah13 | 0

#781793 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:42

you should kick his face in. that's sure to make you feel...somewhat better.

By DirtyDiana_fml | 0

#781799 - Monday 18 January 2010 9:43

bwaha