Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for "anti-social behavior." FML
Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Articulation 12
Not exactly what you'd call a *******.
Syncronisis 11
Everyone likes guys that smell nice.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
bReLiNg 18
Shoulda tipped him better...
pwnman 33
Farting is a natural thing and with tipping him wasn't going to change nature..
renyftw 3
lmfao frfr
OYandle 8
That stinks
gracehi 31
The original stinky fart molecules are making stinky fart baby molecules in your nose and setting up a colony. They are but poor refugees seeking asylum from the terrible Poop King ruling over the unforgiving land of Anus. That is why the stench lingers. Surely you can sympathize with their plight. Geez, would you really begrudge the poor stinky fart molecules their promised land, simply because of the lingering stench? How selfish. For shame, OP. For shame.
Schizomaniac 24
Seek help.
gracehi 31
Says the schizomamiac.
allie2590 31
I laughed a bit too hard at this comment. LOL
gracehi 31
Ah, yes, the noble male stripper industry. It is such a shame to see the dignified name of male strippers sullied by mundane poo gas.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Brace yourself. Profile visits from females are coming.
asnakelovinbabe 16
I feel like a 13 year old for laughing at this, but I did.
WizzleMan17 11
I don't always hire male strippers, but when I do I make sure they shit in my face
thebash14 7
Get new material bro
WizzleMan17 11
Thanks biebs
thebash14 7
I slay pussy just like biebs
Hilda_x 25
Bieber is a douchebag. Just saying.
LisaDay 14
the only ones he can get are illegal for him.
crackz12 10
wow 19s hair on 20s face and you guys could enter a beiber look a like contest
Godsofdracos 15
The fact they have almost identical profiles just makes this little fight all the funnier.
damnit1989 16
I'm surprised we don't see an FML for his point if view.... I assume he was embarrassed about it.
gracehi 31
"Today, while working as a male stripper, the most retched fart ever to sour the air escaped my asshole as I was waving my glorious posterior in a client's face. I work for tips. FML." There. Happy?
guineagirl 18
At least you got a lap dance
DemonOverlord 4
maybe it's your upper lip