Intimacy: Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance...

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 115

You deserved it 7 479

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 077

You deserved it 14 194

Sexy back

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 574

You deserved it 2 861

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 631

You deserved it 2 946

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 541

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 468

You deserved it 5 011

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 716

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 745

You deserved it 10 948

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 362

Love is in the air

By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 686

You deserved it 2 160

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

Comments

LisaDay 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 6:17

he gave you a discount right? or another free dance?

Ihavegas 22

Saturday 15 March 2014 6:38

protein rich diets - deadly farts

kthsdm 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:19

Word.

BMTHsuperfan 18

Saturday 15 March 2014 6:42

thats not very professional..

bahamut357 16

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:11

I'm sorry about the bio weapon that went off in your face, but this FML made me laugh like a 10 year old boy after any kind of toilet/fart joke xDDDD

jdlanam87 9

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:13

Maybe it was a slip I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. Spray something that smells good put an extra tart in the burner. Let the show continue.

ValiaMaddox 4

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:25

Was he Danny Devito???

elcee1987 18

Saturday 15 March 2014 12:24

Glad I'm not the only one who thought of that #thisgenerationneedsFriends

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:22

# 53 > What this generation doesn't need though is #lamehastaging

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:30

It looks like you will not have another one if those too soon

Witchylady 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:38

You poor thing. I feel so sorry for you. I doubt you will ever find strippers exciting ever again. Good luck with watching your nostrils out. FYL

buckdharma 37

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:41

With each year you age you notice subtle changes. You don't hear quite as well, your vision is not as crisp. Isn't it wonderful your nose still works just fine, and your short term memory is excellent! Happy Birthday op!