Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for "anti-social behavior." FML
Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
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Top comments
Articulation 12
Not exactly what you'd call a *******.
Syncronisis 11
Everyone likes guys that smell nice.
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Comments (82)
LisaDay 14
he gave you a discount right? or another free dance?
Ihavegas 22
protein rich diets - deadly farts
kthsdm 12
Word.
BMTHsuperfan 18
thats not very professional..
bahamut357 16
I'm sorry about the bio weapon that went off in your face, but this FML made me laugh like a 10 year old boy after any kind of toilet/fart joke xDDDD
jdlanam87 9
Maybe it was a slip I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. Spray something that smells good put an extra tart in the burner. Let the show continue.
ValiaMaddox 4
Was he Danny Devito???
elcee1987 18
Glad I'm not the only one who thought of that #thisgenerationneedsFriends
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
# 53 > What this generation doesn't need though is #lamehastaging
worldclassrager 39
It looks like you will not have another one if those too soon
Witchylady 17
You poor thing. I feel so sorry for you. I doubt you will ever find strippers exciting ever again. Good luck with watching your nostrils out. FYL
buckdharma 37
With each year you age you notice subtle changes. You don't hear quite as well, your vision is not as crisp. Isn't it wonderful your nose still works just fine, and your short term memory is excellent! Happy Birthday op!
SavannahSunshine 26
Betcha didn't waste anymore of your hardearned dollars down his britches after that