Work: Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak... - FML

01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 4 954

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Stop talking!

17/11/2010 10:58 - United States

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 390

You deserved it 2 669

02/08/2014 04:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 068

You deserved it 6 443

05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Spicy

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 307

You deserved it 6 591

20/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 581

You deserved it 4 122

03/01/2011 02:58 - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 604

You deserved it 3 778

26/08/2019 02:01

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 152

22/08/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 3 670

27/01/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 280

You deserved it 4 685

12/09/2015 00:32 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 22 280

04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 3 544

28/01/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 234

You deserved it 49 452

14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 576

You deserved it 47 301

06/07/2015 03:18 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 3 057

24/04/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 210

You deserved it 3 739

07/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 354

Forgetful

By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 5 260

My reward

By KittenShitz - 25/12/2019 14:00

Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 308

The gays

By kolgate - 15/02/2012 10:12 - United States

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 617

You deserved it 3 144

12/01/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 2 358

05/06/2019 20:00

Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 884

We need details!

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 02:01

Today, was an absolute mess. It began with getting a towel caught on my nose ring and ended with my car catching on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 173

03/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to a yoga class for the first time in a few years. When I went to change afterwards, I realized I'd split my pants at some point during the class. I think I understand why the girls behind me were laughing so hard now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 040

You deserved it 369

11/11/2013 08:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 2 481

01/03/2011 05:29

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 5 006

30/08/2015 06:20 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 050

You deserved it 1 850

21/06/2015 06:04 - United States - Cranford

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 3 555

20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 467

You deserved it 32 324

30/01/2010 17:21 - France

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 864

You deserved it 2 436

24/07/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 792

You deserved it 5 636

30/05/2012 05:46 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 8 419

01/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 774

You deserved it 747

20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 807

You deserved it 4 091

02/09/2009 09:21 - Australia

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 755

You deserved it 72 097

19/11/2013 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 543

You deserved it 3 034

26/12/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 748

You deserved it 3 752

Too much Pornhub

By anouk05 - 15/10/2010 05:13 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me, "Don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 722

You deserved it 4 637

Leech

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 06:01

Today, my mother-in-law constantly threatens to commit suicide, unless my husband pays her bills. He told me I don’t care about his happiness because I told him he can’t keep giving in to her guilt trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 89

18/01/2012 05:21 - Canada

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 066

You deserved it 3 024

09/04/2016 03:30 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 271

You deserved it 3 478

09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 811

You deserved it 3 100

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Top comments

A07 48

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:25

No clever puns this time, I feel genuinely sorry for you OP

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:27

If they smelt it, they dealt it, so really, they should be apologizing to you.

Comments

A07 48

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:25

No clever puns this time, I feel genuinely sorry for you OP

then000bster 16

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:43

Couldn't think of a good pun? You just got to let it slip out at the right time. Just not when 3 chicks walk by.

aruden 25

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 13:43

I agree #1, I feel sorry for this poor bastard.

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 19:28

That must really stink

BrewmasterK79 12

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:26

Damn, talk about bad timing. Sorry OP

MrSassypants 32

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:27

If they smelt it, they dealt it, so really, they should be apologizing to you.

TheKingOfHearts 19

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Sunday 5 July 2015 9:25

In s

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:30

That stinks when that happens

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 13:27

I'm pretty sure that's the worst pun I'll read all day.

AbtractAngela 17

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Thursday 2 July 2015 0:14

Please stop trying so hard(:

PatMcGroin12345 11

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:31

Ask if they smell that too.. Then tell them there must be a gas leak. Blame is off you,

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:43

Blaming it on a gas leak isn't a good idea because then the fire department would probably be called in, which would be a huge waste of their time. But op could blame it on someone that "just left." The good thing about girls, op, is that we tend to ignore farts and pretend we don't notice and that nothing happened. We don't want it pointed out and embarrassed when we do it, so we don't point it out and embarrass when others do it. They'd most likely never bring it up; whereas if some guys had walked in, they'd have definitely pointed it out and embarrassed you. It's a shame guys can't ignore it too seeing as it happens to all of us.

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:33

Hey, maybe they're into that. You never know. ;)

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 16:54

Sarcasm or not that's horrible... :/

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 17:47

I feel like your profile pic was judging him.

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Thursday 2 July 2015 2:20

Clearly I've been among dirty minded sailors too long.

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Thursday 2 July 2015 7:39

this works for me.

aj9319 16

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:43

If they figured out its you, they will remember you for long.

Zappaz 32

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Thursday 2 July 2015 0:06

He did work alone in that room all day, so I'm pretty sure they'll know it was him XD

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:44

Reminds me of that episode of spongebob where he had the really bad breath.

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:44

I feel you...those farts can be sneaky bastards indeed! Damn Taco Bell!

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Wednesday 1 July 2015 12:49

well when u gotta fart u fart.as simple as that, and if someone make fun of you the give them a sting at there office

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 264

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 69