Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of...

By Anonymous - 19/4/2015 14:04 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36704

You deserved it

3559

Favorite

Intimacy

The best cat

Whatthefuckaburger

Hello everyone!

By Idontdance - 23/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47961

You deserved it

4428

Favorite

By innocent72 - 19/11/2013 21:07 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44689

You deserved it

3684

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9267

You deserved it

1529

Favorite

By Sad Nerd - 2/4/2014 08:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38418

You deserved it

18291

Favorite

By creepyyy - 17/5/2014 16:54 - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52282

You deserved it

9899

Favorite

By churchgoer - 20/3/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69523

You deserved it

9528

Favorite

By PookaKay02 - 20/9/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29913

You deserved it

8569

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31306

You deserved it

2637

Favorite

By bf - 19/12/2013 02:59 - Canada - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43080

You deserved it

2982

Favorite

By lextoast - 26/7/2015 18:15 - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31642

You deserved it

2660

Favorite

By LondonKitsch - 26/6/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50719

You deserved it

29663

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57300

You deserved it

5315

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 20:39 - Denmark

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47781

You deserved it

3852

Favorite

By haley - 16/11/2018 14:00

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3377

You deserved it

422

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 10:57 - Denmark

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87778

You deserved it

14684

Favorite

By Sean - 25/12/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7216

You deserved it

53556

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

I agree, your life sucks

9307

You deserved it

65358

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37531

You deserved it

11406

Favorite

By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41851

You deserved it

3889

Favorite

By Workhorse - 12/7/2014 21:11 - United States - Athens

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48805

You deserved it

17489

Favorite

By anonymous - 14/5/2012 10:31 - United States - Havelock

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40390

You deserved it

6383

Favorite

By simon - 11/1/2018 06:00

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I am now the laughingstock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5107

You deserved it

402

Favorite

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21461

You deserved it

31734

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/8/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55029

You deserved it

9812

Favorite

By longdrive - 14/10/2014 05:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37393

You deserved it

5116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 20:01

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1495

You deserved it

Favorite

By sadsexer23 - 16/2/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28522

You deserved it

6587

Favorite

By ThanksMom - 8/7/2016 07:54 - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13445

You deserved it

1287

Favorite

By alyssac11 - 25/5/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30499

You deserved it

4248

Favorite

By whoops - 9/7/2014 05:38 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42646

You deserved it

20058

Favorite

By Down - 16/1/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26215

You deserved it

1900

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23798

You deserved it

52168

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32403

You deserved it

2571

Favorite

By riahta - 6/8/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10017

You deserved it

46336

Favorite

By CASH_NoMOMEY - 7/5/2015 05:12 - United States - Windsor

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30466

You deserved it

5566

Favorite

By sigh - 24/1/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26550

You deserved it

2482

Favorite

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29433

You deserved it

6349

Favorite

By Andrew - 2/1/2014 23:49 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41969

You deserved it

8529

Favorite

By BahHumbug - 27/12/2016 05:18 - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17887

You deserved it

7782

Favorite

By fisted - 12/6/2015 13:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26839

You deserved it

11658

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By paintedchocolate | 30

#6267397 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:16

It was just the two of you. What on earth did he hope to accomplish by pretending it wasn't him? O.o

By xpsychocatladyx | 15

#6267388 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:14

lady bone killer right there

Comments

By lexa1love | 16

#6267384 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

tormcn | 26

#6267412 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:26

Seems like OP's boyfriend is a dirty boy. You deserve it for letting him finish.

DanCastellaneta | 17

#6267440 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:51

I don't think talking dirty is meant to be taken literally...

lexa1love | 16

#6267441 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:51

Oh no, I forgot to use the sarcasm font. Come on guys.

DanCastellaneta | 17

#6267488 - Monday 20 April 2015 0:15

Stop, just stop. This is a website, not a real person.

notesz | 21

#6267667 - Monday 20 April 2015 3:47

Watch out, fml police! Oh no, there aren't any...

By xpsychocatladyx | 15

#6267388 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:14

lady bone killer right there

ironmany_fml | 23

#6269198 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 21:14

bone killer?

By Desi_D123 | 27

#6267391 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:14

I've heard of dirty sex but that's taking it to a new level...

By meatloaf11 | 23

#6267392 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:15

What an asshole

By bleedingglitter | 24

#6267393 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:15

Pfft I would not have let him finish.

By Acerhawk | 24

#6267394 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:15

Okay the records 5 lets go!! 1...2...3...4...5...6... YEAH I GOT 6! I GOT 6 AT THE SUN STARE!!

Miss_Chevious | 37

#6267403 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:20

What was the relevance of this comment here?

By paintedchocolate | 30

#6267397 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:16

It was just the two of you. What on earth did he hope to accomplish by pretending it wasn't him? O.o

PePziNL | 20

#6267602 - Monday 20 April 2015 2:13

Unless... It wàsn't the two of them.

By dakatabg | 31

#6267398 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:17

It is always somebody else's fault

By phantomofmind | 14

#6267399 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:18

Wow, major turn off. Sorry OP.

By poppunkette | 22

#6267400 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:18

That's just nasty! I would be with holding sex for ages as punishment

WhackTheJackal | 22

#6267423 - Sunday 19 April 2015 23:37

withholding*

fitforme | 4

#6267649 - Monday 20 April 2015 3:17

Sex shouldn't be a punishment and reward thing. That's a ridiculous and immature way of thinking. If you're angry or upset, by all means, don't have sex with him if you aren't feeling it but it shouldn't literally be withheld as a punishment.

chocolatejunebug | 9

#6268103 - Monday 20 April 2015 16:11

This. I don't get why people do that....

Badkarma4u | 17

#6268123 - Monday 20 April 2015 16:41

Yeah then you'll be whining about him cheating on you.

Aimeejasmine | 15

#6268243 - Monday 20 April 2015 20:11

Too far.. No one deserves to get cheated on no matter how immature they act.

Badkarma4u | 17

#6268260 - Monday 20 April 2015 20:56

Withholding sex and affection for punishment is manipulation at its finest. If a woman thinks her vagina is a weapon, then a man should show her that every woman has one, and will give it to her man.

Demon_of_Light | 27

#6273815 - Sunday 26 April 2015 10:36

If a man thinks that a woman owes him sex because he's "her man" and that he has a right to cheat on her if she doesn't give it to him, he's an chauvinist asshole.