Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for "anti-social behavior." FML
Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
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Top comments
Articulation 12
Not exactly what you'd call a *******.
Syncronisis 11
Everyone likes guys that smell nice.
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Comments (82)
CSUNMSU 5
Did he use one of the dollar bills to wipe afterward?
Taurus_ChicKa 36
Wow, I hope they didn't pay up front...or if they did, they got some form of refund, because I don't think that's what they're paid to do.
marramrammar 2
LMAO - this made my day! Hope your friend got their money back and purchased you a great gift or a gas mask! However, this will be a memorable chuckle for you guys for years to come!
False_Stupidity 41
That's certainly not something a male stripper wants to hear #67 ;)
MasterGamer591 13
Humans are disgusting. Or anything flesh. All wicked. Haha
heyyyaubrey 9
yeah right.
sanecatlady 13
That's SO gross! And the farting sounds nasty, too. Lol?
focenspeil 7
So your not into brazilian fart ****?
WinterBlue42 22
The worst part about this can only be understood if you know how smelling works. . Ohgod. FYL big time.
I can't stand leg puns! 22
Scene does not contain a lapdance