Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for "anti-social behavior." FML
Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
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Top comments
Articulation 12
Not exactly what you'd call a *******.
Syncronisis 11
Everyone likes guys that smell nice.
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Comments (82)
lexiieeex3 32
As someone who has tried to hold in a fart, the only thing I can think to say is that I completely understand. But in all seriousness I'm sorry that had to happen to you OP. I doubt you'd regret trying it again with a different stripper to make up for this unfortunate experience.
laden_swallow09 34
Barf
FMLcommenterer 13
Today, I begun my first job as a male stripper. It all seemed to be going well. Until I let loose a horrid fart right in her face. FML.
ironichalibut 24
Male stripping 101: you've been given a great power, use it to your better judgement. But never.. Ever.. Fart, on a ladies face..
NoLifeMo11 7
Did you get a discount?
brandoneyez1 25
Is that what male strippers do??
TheRoyalBattler 5
That's how you get pink eye!
elcee1987 18
Wow...you're lame.
vikky538 28
next time wear a gas mask.. problem solved...
briang959 47
Good thing he didn't shart.