Miscellaneous: Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't...

By Chanman1924 - 24/12/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 487

You deserved it 3 738

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

The smell detective is on the case

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Benchthewarmer - 08/07/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 696

You deserved it 3 579

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 14:29 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 65

By Sam - 01/04/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 3 664

She'll be single for a looong time...

By keiler - 06/08/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 620

You deserved it 342

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 609

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 682

You deserved it 21 102

Gangsta

By Wolf - 07/11/2018 15:30

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my Masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 688

You deserved it 5 395

By stuck - 23/03/2015 15:51 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 515

You deserved it 4 650

By AlyssaBC - 06/03/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 2 622

By sick and lonely - 27/08/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 232

You deserved it 1 121

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 679

You deserved it 23 006

By disgusted - 29/03/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 824

You deserved it 5 318

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 056

You deserved it 8 182

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 541

You deserved it 2 918

By Oily - 16/12/2011 09:08 - New Zealand

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 174

You deserved it 14 398

By love_today - 30/05/2010 02:36 - Canada

Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 226

You deserved it 7 111

By anonymous - 11/04/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 86 114

By Poopamus - 23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 507

By disturbedtosaytheleast - 27/01/2012 11:19 - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 941

You deserved it 2 658

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

By Anonymous - 08/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 380

By toast - 25/03/2009 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 724

You deserved it 6 265

By Grossed Out - 29/12/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 3 088

By Fmyoffice - 27/11/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 2 746

By took it - 09/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 696

You deserved it 8 309

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 08:01

Today, someone punched me in the back of the head, so I swung round and broke their nose. It was some woman screaming at me for wearing headphones and ignoring her. She then pulled a hidden disability badge out her pocket so everyone thought I was beating up a disabled person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 231

By WolfieJL - 18/05/2014 07:51 - United States

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 907

You deserved it 5 429

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 185

By sharee - 19/12/2015 20:51 - United States - Providence

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 171

You deserved it 2 101

By inpain - 02/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 6 191

By socialdisease - 22/08/2011 15:58 - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 5 089

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 052

You deserved it 63 152

By elipses - 22/08/2009 04:43 - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 036

You deserved it 2 982

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 728

You deserved it 7 128

By idiot - 28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 820

You deserved it 126 000

By Shelby - 19/06/2012 16:38 - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 865

You deserved it 17 259

By kharrington - 07/04/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 509

You deserved it 3 513

By oldmama728 - 28/04/2011 11:07

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 301

You deserved it 46 217

By notyourparkingspot - 25/05/2017 16:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 284

You deserved it 347

QAnon weirdoes

By my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 115

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Top comments

omfg_creepers 8

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:24

some people pay for that. consider yourself lucky

skip_m 6

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:28

Post your friend's address.

omfg_creepers 8

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:24

some people pay for that. consider yourself lucky

amillionbucks 5

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 1:09

Google search Craigslist and your phone number. Problem solved.

RadikulRam 16

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 2:33

#40 I think you meant to reply to the OP, Chanman1924, omfg_creepers is not the OP.

YacL 15

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:04

No they just wanted their comment at the top. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure they know what they're doing.

evilplatypus 38

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:19

52 - I believe that genuinely helpful comments should not be bound by "thread-jacking" etiquette.

PantyGAMES 10

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:23

^seriously. The only time people should pay for porn is if they just legitimately want to help the porn industry, or they are into some WEIRD stuff.

evilplatypus 38

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:47

66 - I dunno, I'm into some pretty weird, effed-up stuff and I've never had to pay.

killmoose 5

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 4:22

Same here

TheDrifter 23

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 5:10

People still look for porn? They send it to me daily, whether I need it or not. Something about being a "high throughput VIP".

oj101 33

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:40

Your username resonates well with your comment. Kinda ironic huh?

AntFinney 9

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 8:24

Did you get written permission from Daniel Tosh to rip off his comedy to use on FML? Or do you just steal witty comments to seem cool?

X_Codes 11

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 9:26

@111 - Did you get written permission to be a douchenozzle, or do you just act that way to seem cool? Chances are, it's not even Tosh's joke, it's a joke made by the show's writing staff. Most TV comedians write very little of their own material.

KageKaldaka 6

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Friday 4 January 2013 8:42

What?! ASK before using something? Who does that?

acrylicParadox 7

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:24

What a friend.

thejewishfuhrer 17

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:28

What a dick.

kevsandy303 12

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 2:55

What a fuckhobbit

GothickNihilist 15

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:26

What a cuntnugget.

ApologyKick 25

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 4:42

What a C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

winkydog4056 16

Tuesday 25 December 2012 6:12

#77_Pray tell, what exactly IS an assbiscut?

sens3sfailing 24

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 7:32

It's like an asscandle

2psv1 5

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 16:21

lol a fuckhobbit?

sens3sfailing 24

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 16:24

No.

sens3sfailing 24

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:25

send them back pictures a naked ugly guy, they will stop sending pictures pretty fast. if not...well, change your number again and tell your friend to stop conspiring with your brother

Shilokitten666 19

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:24

Im confused, op said nothing about their brother being involoved

GothickNihilist 15

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:36

It's a reference to an old fml, in which an pop's brother repeatedly posted their number on the internet.

kikimonole 13

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:27

Are they attractive to you?

nycwrestler 17

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:31

Probably not, considering he's posting on fml

RvidxrKlvn 8

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:35

Probably, considering they're sending dick pics.

RvidxrKlvn 8

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:50

Too late to edit: I read the original commentater's comment wrong. I don't see a way to delete my comment so sorry guys.

insertnameherr 11

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 1:35

yeah most of them are probably disgusting

nycwrestler 17

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:28

Your friend is a boss

howdeedoo 22

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:01

And also an ass

shamille 5

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:31

Boss Ass. Bass.

skip_m 6

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:28

Post your friend's address.

rattusrattus 18

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:55

Nah, sign them up for every piece of junk mail you can find. Credit card junk, info packs on becoming a sperm donor, "send me more info from our competitors", EVERYTHING.

danimal_crackerz 26

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Thursday 9 July 2015 22:08

Why not both?

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:29

Hopefully there are some good ones among them. Probably not though.

BlowinChronic 18

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:29

Do the same thing to the idiot who you call your friend. You shouldn't have to put up with that shit. Give your friend a little taste of what you're having to go through.