Animals: Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend...

By DSCC - United States - Akron

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

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DSCC tells us more :

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

Animals

Family values

Commando

Season finale

By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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36883

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By Matt - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

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38744

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By steph2052 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

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41298

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By BIGCHEIFAAA - United States - Union City

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

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56544

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By older - United States

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

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50801

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By sorehead - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

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By sexysue - United States

Today, it was me and my husband's anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

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23886

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By dan - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

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By crazybiotch - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

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By NewFiancee - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50152

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By youjustsuck - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

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By graphite01 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

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9636

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By Andy - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

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By - United States

My electric toothbrush

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

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3470

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

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7265

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By PairOfSocks - Finland - Tampere

Today, one of my friends bought a wedding dress for her upcoming wedding. My other friend intends to propose to her boyfriend and ordered rings. I too made a purchase: a pair of socks for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9883

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1225

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By a hex upon your anus, sir - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

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By Completely Fed Up - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

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22303

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By zamwow - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

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60634

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By Anonymous

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

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30034

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

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22035

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By Victoria - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

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10804

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By awwman - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

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28259

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By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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By kidyounot - United States - Statesboro

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

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38482

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By ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

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23054

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

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42569

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By Holyguacamoly - Iceland

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

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47411

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By NotTakenYet

Today, my mom said she ran into some old coworkers and they asked about me. She was surprised they remembered me, as we only met once. The reason they remembered me is because I fell down the stairs at their house when I was 11. That was 15 years ago. FML

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2432

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By unwanted - Canada

Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML

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45008

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By well, now what - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

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16143

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By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

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31064

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By Metallurge - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33028

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By automotive glass tech - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24562

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By Ksweety_fml

He does have a point

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1193

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By flymetothemoon

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1969

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By anonymous - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29457

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By photogirl - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40075

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By theyreallydosmell

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27566

You deserved it

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By ttsutaoka - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

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56960

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Top comments

By heirofhope | 38

#6422055 - Monday 28 September 2015 12:10

You say it like it's a bad thing.

By DSCC | 19

#6422175 - Monday 28 September 2015 16:15

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)