Transportation: Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago...

By Anyom - United States - Detroit

Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealer ship to pick me up. She backed in to my car. FML

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Transportation

The smell detective is on the case

Unhappy Birthday

Surrounded

By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

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52226

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By unrequited - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

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42472

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2021 02:02

DIY FML

Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and broke my collarbone. FML

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885

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By Jared - France

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

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22649

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By livingamongtheflowers - United States

Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML

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By blakeintheoffice - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

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By random - Canada

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

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By szechuansauce

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

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3983

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By Anonymous

Moving

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

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1326

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By Jakub89 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

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By fuckkkkk - United States - San Francisco

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

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By SweetDreamsTibi

Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

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By JaneSimple - 5/2/2021 17:01

Carless whisper

Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

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789

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

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By IHateProtesters - United States - Hartford

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

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34627

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

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32555

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By 11lyss1

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

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39813

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By welp - United States - Grass Lake

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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24853

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

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45043

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By theatreismylife - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

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61440

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By shaverguy - United States

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

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39706

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By Rose - United States - Tenino

Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

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38895

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 16:58

Ungrateful

Today, even though I help cook and clean on a daily basis, I got called lazy and told I don't do anything around the house. I live with my parents and twin 18-year-old brothers and they all say this. FML

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687

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By ow

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

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6605

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By Anonymous - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

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15910

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2021 16:01

Better Call Saul

Today, despite having the same parents, I'm a lawyer and my brother is a redneck. He called wanting my advice, because he tried to book a prostitute online but when she turned up, she was a Latvian mail-order bride, and he wants me to fix it with my "big city law degree." FML

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By motherfuck666 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

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45804

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By wideman - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

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18457

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By Why Is It Always Me - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5521

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By wtf mom - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

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60622

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By camb - 29/5/2021 14:01

Bad omen

Today, my girlfriend, who recently moved in with me, has opted to sleep on the couch rather than in the same bed as me. She claims it’s because "her body" won’t let her fall asleep unless she’s alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

751

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175

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By Roostermann25 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

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13796

You deserved it

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By escortedout - United States

Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

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6114

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 05:02

And probably giggling

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

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985

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By DrawingWaves - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

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12429

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

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39564

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By Worthless Waste of Skin Who Hates Himself - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML

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Top comments

By Rykers | 18

#6658568 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:06

I guess she'll be paying for two cars then...

By breedles | 28

#6658574 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:14

Her first car and her first accident; seems like a two for one special. Rotten luck OP

COMMENTS

By Rykers | 18

#6658568 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:06

I guess she'll be paying for two cars then...

Havinci | 19

#7520481 - Thursday 3 August 2017 19:11

She better!

By breedles | 28

#6658574 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:14

Her first car and her first accident; seems like a two for one special. Rotten luck OP

By Garrett2818 | 21

#6658575 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:15

Man that's terrible :(
Experiencing damage to your car is never cool but when it's brand new that's just salt in the wound.

By chosha_fml | 25

#6658582 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:58

Hope she got insurance as well!

By wybat | 6

#6658583 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 11:01

she obviously was jelly, she wanted to be the new girl with the new car hahaha

Michael978 | 16

#6659376 - Thursday 28 July 2016 5:44

I highly doubt it since it probably would've damaged hers too

childproofpizza | 19

#6668371 - Tuesday 9 August 2016 17:40

@16 It's a joke not a duck, don't take it so hard.

By momo87 | 8

#6658601 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 11:48

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6658605 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 12:00

I feel for you, OP. It sucks to have a damaged car just after you have bought it.

By blackrose1996 | 11

#6658612 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 12:26

Well insurance will be higher price for her that sucks for both of you

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6658662 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 13:35

Most people learn to drive _before_ they get their own vehicle! FYL

By hilamonster06 | 21

#6658755 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 16:01

Your friend is either jealous of your new car or she is just that unobservant behind the wheel. Sorry about your car and I hope your friend has good insurance that will cover the damage.