Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago...

By Anyom - 27/7/2016 00:46 - United States - Detroit

Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealer ship to pick me up. She backed in to my car. FML

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Transportation

Instadrama

A beautiful truck decoration

Lockdown is driving us down

By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

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By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/6/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

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By happy bday - 17/9/2010 04:02 - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

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By trackgurl - 21/2/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2013 07:09 - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

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By JackSteely - 22/12/2011 12:04

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

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By Cococautly - 4/7/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2018 15:00

Charming...

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 18:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2019 15:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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By dcait_1196 - 16/10/2010 13:14 - France

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

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By shadowfigure - 23/1/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

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By karebear - 9/9/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

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By honeybee2487 - 30/8/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

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By cmolloy - 21/12/2011 14:40 - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

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By Irobot - 15/3/2017 22:00

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

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By Laci - 30/4/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

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By bluten - 18/3/2009 16:42 - Canada

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

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By buster - 13/2/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

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By :( - 27/4/2011 06:54

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML

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By foreseeingabreakup - 6/9/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 03:06 - United States - Tyler

Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML

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By Secret Isis supporter - 19/11/2015 00:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

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By Grrrrr - 1/3/2009 00:50 - United States

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

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By Username - 2/8/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

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By potassiumgirl - 11/4/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

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By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

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By Hairytoes - 7/10/2011 10:35 - United States

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

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By CheeseyPotatoes - 11/4/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

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By DisturbedMan - 15/1/2014 22:29 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2015 12:04 - United States - Camden

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

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By WhatTheFaf - 1/9/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

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By The Ugly One - 22/1/2015 02:17 - United States

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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Top comments

By Rykers | 18

#6658568 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:06

I guess she'll be paying for two cars then...

By breedles | 28

#6658574 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:14

Her first car and her first accident; seems like a two for one special. Rotten luck OP

COMMENTS

By Rykers | 18

#6658568 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:06

I guess she'll be paying for two cars then...

Havinci | 19

#7520481 - Thursday 3 August 2017 19:11

She better!

By breedles | 28

#6658574 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:14

Her first car and her first accident; seems like a two for one special. Rotten luck OP

By Garrett2818 | 21

#6658575 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:15

Man that's terrible :(
Experiencing damage to your car is never cool but when it's brand new that's just salt in the wound.

By chosha_fml | 25

#6658582 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:58

Hope she got insurance as well!

By wybat | 6

#6658583 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 11:01

she obviously was jelly, she wanted to be the new girl with the new car hahaha

Michael978 | 16

#6659376 - Thursday 28 July 2016 5:44

I highly doubt it since it probably would've damaged hers too

childproofpizza | 19

#6668371 - Tuesday 9 August 2016 17:40

@16 It's a joke not a duck, don't take it so hard.

By momo87 | 8

#6658601 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 11:48

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6658605 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 12:00

I feel for you, OP. It sucks to have a damaged car just after you have bought it.

By blackrose1996 | 11

#6658612 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 12:26

Well insurance will be higher price for her that sucks for both of you

By Oh_No_Not_Him | 25

#6658662 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 13:35

Most people learn to drive _before_ they get their own vehicle! FYL

By hilamonster06 | 21

#6658755 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 16:01

Your friend is either jealous of your new car or she is just that unobservant behind the wheel. Sorry about your car and I hope your friend has good insurance that will cover the damage.