Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
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Top comments
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
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Comments (65)
aseim9497 18
"At you age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die."
Sora_McKain 36
Ok, I know what this is from but I can't, for the life of me, remember!
aseim9497 18
Mean Girls :)
Sneakyno1 11
My dad did out while we were walking around the neighbor hood.
abbyade 21
Lol..poor you.
Markovski 18
You weren't the only one he was teaching ;)
buymevickis92 26
he probably though that if he embarrassed you bad enough you won't have sex lol.
xswitch74 17
At least you didn't have to learn using the internet. #js
earthday18 7
my dad still pretends that I'm 2 and haven't even considered the opposite sex and when I do talk about them he runs away
ThatHorse 15
AND THESE ARE CONDOMS. THEY'RE ONLY 98% EFFECTIVE AT BIRTH CONTROL SO MAKE SURE YOU ADD IN THIS *grabs birth control pill* BUT ABOVE ALL DON'T HAVE SEX AND YOU WON'T GET PREGNANT... MAYBE
username356 14
Your dad is the real MVP
Caroline_Grace_ 20
How many odd stares did you get?