Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
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Top comments
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
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Comments (65)
JayDay_123 18
Hahahaha, I'm so sorry for the embarrassment you endured, but that's hilarious. xD
Saraishi 25
As someone that got the safe sex talk by both parents in public at age 15, I feel your pain OP. FYL.
noelsom7 13
Don't worry, it could have been at McDonald's with both parents and your boyfriend.
JKPwnage 27
SON, WHEN A MOMMY AND A DADDY REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER...
cjfred 13
Could be worse. If he'd done that at Wal-Mart, bystanders would be contributing unsolicited advice on the topic, and it would probably involve siblings, goats, or both.
BFlowing 21
Hahah Classic dads! Don't worry too much about it, they do it cause they find it funny to embarrass you publicly :D mine used to roll down the car window when I was in the car with him and start singing loudly, then when I was visibly embarrassed he would get the attention of the driver next to us and point at me and scream "SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!!" Hahah he doesn't do it as much anymore since I grew up :') now that I'm older I understand that it was a good lesson not to care what random people on the street think of you ;)
kimise 21
People of Walmart...
randomheartthrob 7
Least you got a talk. All I got was wear protection but he won't let me have a gun so I can't. B
Summoner_T3L 15
well, bless your face for that embarassment and i cant see why he would do that.
sassy2085 16
Reminds me when my father took me to Target for bra shopping. He managed to embarrass me and the saleswoman just trying to help. I feel your pain.