Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
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Top comments
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
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Comments (65)
nanjiii_fml 26
but, wtf is wrong with ur father ?
Bigfabthetruth52 22
I honestly would've just walked away from his ass if he started doing that dumb shit.
Bigfabthetruth52 22
if he wanna embarrass somebody its gon be himself he could of went about that much differently.
sullivankeara 25
Oh man, my dad did that to me too when I was in high school.
nialls_girl 13
Was he drunk?
The_Skittish_One 27
I know that dad are kind of 'supposed to' embarrass you, but this isn't really a dad joke in my book. That would be absolutely mortifying. Sorry OP.
KVYLV 16
LOLOLOLOL, AREN'T DADS GREAT!
ThomasMercury 11
Sounds like something Noah Levenstein would do
zykrithium 22
With a name like that, you probably deserved it...
Host2phats 21
BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN