Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed...

By mdsfkljsfsdrewr - 3/6/2014 19:01 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

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Miscellaneous

Fashion Police

The end of the road

Grow up

By lonely - 23/8/2011 16:49 - United States

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

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By adrenochrome - 9/2/2009 09:21 - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

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By ronnieG - 16/7/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

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By disturbed - 1/6/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

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By Lonely - 2/1/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 17:04

Blender time!

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

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By eleonor - 2/12/2008 04:57 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - 19/6/2013 16:18 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

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By Crabby - 30/3/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Clitheroe

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

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By lonelyharts86 - 13/6/2012 14:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2019 00:01

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

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By bitchyhiccups - 19/3/2012 13:14 - United States - Tempe

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

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By gbhlaughingstock - 18/8/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

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By ouch - 9/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

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By joAnne - 3/3/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

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By hate enough to kill... - 14/10/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Stevensweert

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 14:00

Not so ready to rumble

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

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By Thepunchline - 11/8/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

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By The Horrible Older Sister - 2/9/2012 10:07 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

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By dm206 - 10/6/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

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By stillfuckingcrying - 24/2/2013 21:20 - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By anonymous - 8/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

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By goodbye - 9/3/2009 00:45 - Canada

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 21:45 - United States - Plainsboro

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

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By KilledTheMoment - 23/11/2014 06:10 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

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By poppet2010 - 17/1/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2016 03:44 - United States - Arcadia

Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML

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By ohsosad - 23/11/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

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By coco - 18/6/2009 05:10 - Canada

Today, I was on a very crowded bus, standing near the back door. People had to get off at the stop, and being near the door, I had to step off the bus, allowing the people to exit. I was about to enter back into the bus, the door closed and the bus driver took off, leaving me stranded. FML

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By StillTooYoung - 20/1/2013 13:13 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

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By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00

This is terrible!

Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML

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By Ammile - 25/12/2018 04:00

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

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By Tristan Brantley - 11/3/2012 07:36 - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

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By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 3/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 10:06 - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

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By Franco - 10/4/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 23:10

Great guy

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

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By lovehaterelationship - 10/3/2014 18:43 - Austria - Graz

Today, I had to study for an important test but I could barely focus because my roommate had his music blasting at full volume. Since we get along well, I decided to put up with it. I just found out he forgot to turn it off and left over 6 hours ago. FML

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By crapcrapcrap - 14/3/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

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Top comments

By xSalashawty | 30

#5964605 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:34

Maybe someone else lived with him, or possibly the landlord? If its someone else besides the landlord, go report it. That's some freaky shit..

By NotGabe | 28

#5964610 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Well, time to start burning some sage.

COMMENTS

By xSalashawty | 30

#5964605 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:34

Maybe someone else lived with him, or possibly the landlord? If its someone else besides the landlord, go report it. That's some freaky shit..

Roskosity | 22

#5964662 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:06

It was me.

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#5964672 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:11

Your profile picture makes your comment even scarier #15

kumarina | 35

#5964718 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:07

Was your neighbours name Tobias? Just in case is a Paranormal Activity reference....

HockeyGirlLover | 7

#5964931 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 7:51

I was thinking Mr Heckles

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5965015 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 9:23

Time to call Ghost Busters. Maybe Egon can settle it...

saraitkddh | 47

#5965106 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 13:52

where do you live OP? I am just curious to know since I am also Lebanese
and we definitely need a follow up to see if it was someone who moved in without you noticing

VanOBrien | 14

#5965637 - Thursday 5 June 2014 4:27

Naw....Winston and and Ed would have had it handled - no problem!

By NotGabe | 28

#5964610 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Well, time to start burning some sage.

BubbleGrunge | 18

#5964681 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:15

Or call Sam and Dean!

demo88001 | 9

#5964688 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:24

For those who don't know, sage is burned as a Native American ritual to rid places of spirits

JarOfPeachz | 9

#5964727 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:26

good ol smudge. :D
in my area, we also burn cedar boughs.

DropTheDaggerxx | 31

#5964864 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:00

Don't forget Cas. And get the salt!

fadingaway | 17

#5965063 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 11:51

Somehow I'm not sure it would be a good idea to call Dean at this point.

kayteakay | 26

#5965437 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 22:29

And a crucifix.

FiFiLovee | 26

#5966589 - Friday 6 June 2014 7:22

Its better to use white sage. Its properties are more pure. Just saying. :D

TiggyBonkers | 32

#6137203 - Saturday 6 December 2014 23:50

Salt 'n burn

By Headcrab | 29

#5964611 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

maybe it wasn't him.

By Crofty92 | 17

#5964613 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Definitely a ghost, time to panic.

DaMann360 | 19

#5964850 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 5:40

Probably just paranoia

Miss_Whipped | 43

#5964882 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:18

Paranoia will destroy ya!

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#5965619 - Thursday 5 June 2014 3:37

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.

Lahariim | 8

#5974503 - Friday 13 June 2014 23:15

Who ya gonna call?

By bobbyguy | 17

#5964618 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:37

See if someone else lives there and if no one does, run. Run every far.

onealmxwilson | 18

#5964735 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:40

When very far isn't enough. Run EVERY far.

RedPillSucks | 31

#5964825 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 5:13

obviously, its e-very. That's when you run so far that your body enters the internet, like when Timmy had to foil Mr. Crockers plans

nlm92 | 15

#5965633 - Thursday 5 June 2014 4:09

Not just some of the fars... all of the fars! Better safe than sorry op

By guineagirl | 18

#5964629 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:39

He just wants to be friends, don't worry

By let_me_touch_it | 8

#5964632 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:39

Did you ever bang back against the floor?

PresidentNorth | 16

#5964865 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:01

Rule number 1: never provoke a ghost.

BoltTheSuperdog | 22

#5964959 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 8:25

Rule #2: when in doubt, see rule #1.

By mpkpm | 19

#5964633 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:40

Mr heckles is back?!

rachangie | 19

#5964797 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 4:46

Yes! Exactly what I was thinking!

ryanrossisking | 4

#5964908 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 7:04

Thank you for that.

SplineMan | 4

#5965214 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 17:32

LOL, this is what I came here to say. Glad to see I'm not alone :)

1jordan1 | 11

#5966143 - Thursday 5 June 2014 21:20

Lol exactly what I was going to say!

By GoBigRed | 6

#5964634 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:40

Probably family moving his stuff out.

ksks1234 | 33

#5964868 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:06

I usually do stuff in the night because I work late, it is cooler, I am a night owl. Maybe the family is the same.

By martin8337 | 35

#5964640 - Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:46

Maybe you are mistaken, it sounds like this person is still alive.