Miscellaneous: Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed... - FML

By mdsfkljsfsdrewr - 03/06/2014 19:01 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 639

You deserved it 4 597

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Happy Birthday

By wastedbaby - 04/07/2011 02:02 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 664

You deserved it 3 751

By It was the 11 year old - 21/07/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 834

You deserved it 5 001

The charity

By DreDre - 12/12/2019 03:00

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 690

By Quortney - 22/07/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 3 051

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 626

You deserved it 3 535

By madbirthdaymomma - 16/05/2014 03:15 - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 726

You deserved it 4 326

By shwasted - 22/02/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 471

You deserved it 3 762

By Judgeisalwaysright - 01/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 682

You deserved it 20 879

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 19:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 617

You deserved it 1 480

By Sadwife - 06/10/2016 17:36 - United States - Pardeeville

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 079

You deserved it 1 953

By cookie_lover_xx - 15/10/2015 06:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 2 027

By jennybrev - 13/07/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 627

You deserved it 2 843

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 374

You deserved it 15 574

By faulty number - 28/01/2013 23:25 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 732

You deserved it 38 786

By CassafrasSss - 02/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 693

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 712

You deserved it 23 199

Greetings

By anonymous409 - 01/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was going out to buy some stuff from the store. As I was leaving, my mom warned me to tie my shoelaces; I told her not to worry about it. As I'm walking down the street, I see my crush walking towards me. As I get closer and say hi, I trip on my shoelaces and face-plant into her chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 340

By Kate - 21/06/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 356

You deserved it 364

Nope, not me

By mycar - 20/08/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 794

You deserved it 6 257

By Username - 25/11/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 4 145

By noname - 27/04/2012 12:04 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as the "short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 119

You deserved it 4 452

By meh - 31/10/2016 15:43

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 294

You deserved it 703

By cjd - 23/03/2012 14:23 - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 360

You deserved it 4 785

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 830

You deserved it 2 775

By Nominome - 07/02/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 936

You deserved it 44 074

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 111

You deserved it 14 798

By losingit - 19/10/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 075

You deserved it 3 793

By Ihatepants - 01/09/2016 01:37 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 858

You deserved it 2 210

By midwify - 05/01/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 216

You deserved it 7 599

By Bito - 21/12/2008 07:00 - France

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 113

You deserved it 12 213

By okay17 - 29/12/2014 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 901

You deserved it 5 086

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 444

Happens at all ages

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 23:02

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 24/04/2017 22:00

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 713

You deserved it 223

By um - 08/02/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 449

You deserved it 7 971

By LP - 15/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 7 559

By Anonymous - 25/03/2011 03:36 - United States

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 607

You deserved it 9 706

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 602

You deserved it 3 509

By aaah. - 24/05/2012 05:42 - Canada - Caronport

Spicy

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 059

You deserved it 7 746

By Anonymous - 15/07/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 430

You deserved it 3 472

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:34

Maybe someone else lived with him, or possibly the landlord? If its someone else besides the landlord, go report it. That's some freaky shit..

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Well, time to start burning some sage.

Comments

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:34

Maybe someone else lived with him, or possibly the landlord? If its someone else besides the landlord, go report it. That's some freaky shit..

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:06

It was me.

mageepaigeee44 15

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:11

Your profile picture makes your comment even scarier #15

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:07

Was your neighbours name Tobias? Just in case is a Paranormal Activity reference....

HockeyGirlLover 7

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 7:51

I was thinking Mr Heckles

incoherentrmblr 21

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 9:23

Time to call Ghost Busters. Maybe Egon can settle it...

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 13:52

where do you live OP? I am just curious to know since I am also Lebanese and we definitely need a follow up to see if it was someone who moved in without you noticing

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Thursday 5 June 2014 4:27

Naw....Winston and and Ed would have had it handled - no problem!

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Well, time to start burning some sage.

BubbleGrunge 18

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:15

Or call Sam and Dean!

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 2:24

For those who don't know, sage is burned as a Native American ritual to rid places of spirits

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:26

good ol smudge. :D in my area, we also burn cedar boughs.

DropTheDaggerxx 31

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:00

Don't forget Cas. And get the salt!

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 11:51

Somehow I'm not sure it would be a good idea to call Dean at this point.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 22:29

And a crucifix.

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Friday 6 June 2014 7:22

Its better to use white sage. Its properties are more pure. Just saying. :D

TiggyBonkers 32

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Saturday 6 December 2014 23:50

Salt 'n burn

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

maybe it wasn't him.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:35

Definitely a ghost, time to panic.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 5:40

Probably just paranoia

Miss_Whipped 43

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:18

Paranoia will destroy ya!

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Thursday 5 June 2014 3:37

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.

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Friday 13 June 2014 23:15

Who ya gonna call?

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:37

See if someone else lives there and if no one does, run. Run every far.

onealmxwilson 18

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 3:40

When very far isn't enough. Run EVERY far.

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 5:13

obviously, its e-very. That's when you run so far that your body enters the internet, like when Timmy had to foil Mr. Crockers plans

nlm92 15

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Thursday 5 June 2014 4:09

Not just some of the fars... all of the fars! Better safe than sorry op

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:39

He just wants to be friends, don't worry

let_me_touch_it 8

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:39

Did you ever bang back against the floor?

PresidentNorth 16

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:01

Rule number 1: never provoke a ghost.

BoltTheSuperdog 22

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 8:25

Rule #2: when in doubt, see rule #1.

mpkpm 19

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:40

Mr heckles is back?!

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 4:46

Yes! Exactly what I was thinking!

ryanrossisking 4

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 7:04

Thank you for that.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 17:32

LOL, this is what I came here to say. Glad to see I'm not alone :)

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Thursday 5 June 2014 21:20

Lol exactly what I was going to say!

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:40

Probably family moving his stuff out.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 6:06

I usually do stuff in the night because I work late, it is cooler, I am a night owl. Maybe the family is the same.

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 1:46

Maybe you are mistaken, it sounds like this person is still alive.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 102