Kids: Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm".... - FML

By wtfdaughter - Brazil - Recife

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34433

You deserved it

4806

Tweet

Share

Creepy

Trust

Backwards world

By semischweet - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

695

You deserved it

1798

Tweet

Share

By fmlifetime - United States

Delusional

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38551

You deserved it

14871

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29213

You deserved it

12749

Tweet

Share

By fatblooddonor

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2034

You deserved it

311

Tweet

Share

By Stigmamma

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1870

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By LegInPieces - United States - Redmond

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47794

You deserved it

3823

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46952

You deserved it

4473

Tweet

Share

By bumblebee - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54930

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By tigerbyrn - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18885

You deserved it

2049

Tweet

Share

By Grevling - Norway

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43241

You deserved it

6178

Tweet

Share

By OwMyBalls

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35932

You deserved it

6449

Tweet

Share

By Jonnyboo - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52451

You deserved it

2777

Tweet

Share

By Jayne - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28203

You deserved it

2810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24461

You deserved it

6775

Tweet

Share

By ChildFree - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31199

You deserved it

4525

Tweet

Share

By papergirl - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39196

You deserved it

19522

Tweet

Share

By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32689

You deserved it

2391

Tweet

Share

By shartface12 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25925

You deserved it

43467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31662

You deserved it

2797

Tweet

Share

By lrn2spel, teach - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46547

You deserved it

4506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2020 02:02

Morbid cringe

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

903

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41297

You deserved it

19213

Tweet

Share

By Full Stomach Empty Wallet - United States - Danvers

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27902

You deserved it

2594

Tweet

Share

By knockedup - Australia

Today, I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked down, we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked up..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28581

You deserved it

5467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4806

You deserved it

6997

Tweet

Share

By AprilFlowers - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42041

You deserved it

7357

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9162

You deserved it

61252

Tweet

Share

By Adan - United States - Monroe

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13630

You deserved it

25090

Tweet

Share

By MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11271

You deserved it

34912

Tweet

Share

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35803

You deserved it

3909

Tweet

Share

By allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61287

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By ali grace - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

124239

You deserved it

17861

Tweet

Share

By Me - Australia

Today, I tried taking a shortcut through a nature trail, hoping to save myself some time getting back to my car. I ended up getting lost for nearly 3 hours and getting to work nearly 2 hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20107

You deserved it

12347

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Topeka

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10539

You deserved it

56547

Tweet

Share

By loganHchrist - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51943

You deserved it

4946

Tweet

Share

By whoops - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7789

You deserved it

13837

Tweet

Share

By astroloser - Philippines

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71174

You deserved it

18024

Tweet

Share

By blueberry_hill - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28722

You deserved it

6100

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33961

You deserved it

2534

Tweet

Share

By Jesica Mcgee - 29/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Ferndale

Narcissist

Today, I got a job, a good job with benefits, 401 k, took a lot of work to get this: background check, drug testing, being qualified and I need to pay bills. I can't even be happy because my husband got demoted. It's all about him, and fuck my hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1207

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By WeLikeIke | 22

#6191565 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:20

10 years later: "Mommy, I'm cold!" "Here, Here, Timmy, let's get cozy in the oven!"
NEWS ALERT: Mother of one faces charges after attempting to kill son with an.. Oven?

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6191587 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:25

And won't breed.

COMMENTS

By GIGA_IMPACT | 15

#6191554 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:18

I wonder if your daughter will go in the oven to keep herself warm

Reply

j_cat187 | 19

#6191894 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 7:27

Must ... resist... holocaust joke.

Reply

dietbacon | 13

#6192850 - Thursday 5 February 2015 2:20

pernambuco is like a thousand degrees right now, I don't think she'd need to. Because of that, I also think this fml is just plain bullshit

Reply

Joshwarrior | 39

#6193084 - Thursday 5 February 2015 6:31

Damnit your comment made Happy tree friends come to mind :/ and here I thought I managed to lock those memories away.

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#6191555 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:18

but did it work. I'm sure your daughter will go far in life.

Reply

ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6191668 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 1:53

You liar

By vikky538 | 28

#6191559 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:19

let's hope she will graduate...

Reply

EvilLittleMan | 23

#6191682 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:05

... and not procreate.

Reply

photographer49 | 22

#6191772 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 4:02

#4 you want to let her out into the world?

Reply

CandyApple88 | 13

#6195060 - Saturday 7 February 2015 2:55

when she tilts her head sideways, does sawdust fall from her ears? Time to change the carpeted floors for lino/tiles.

By WeLikeIke | 22

#6191565 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:20

10 years later: "Mommy, I'm cold!" "Here, Here, Timmy, let's get cozy in the oven!"
NEWS ALERT: Mother of one faces charges after attempting to kill son with an.. Oven?

Reply

mightycocoman | 12

#6191634 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 1:05

That's happened before.

Reply

Roskosity | 22

#6191687 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:08

That's so morbid. Better educate her the best you can now or look forward to French fried grand babies.

Reply

PePziNL | 20

#6191720 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 2:45

French Fried Grandbabies is an awesome name for a rock / metal band

By The_Village_Idio | 6

#6191569 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:21

Um, that's certainly a creative way of going about it...

By nchic01 | 17

#6191572 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:21

well hopefully she didn't turn it on!

By Emzinatorbot | 26

#6191574 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:22

"Hey idiot did you just blow in from stupid town?"

Reply

expertsmilee | 26

#6191618 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:48

Hey pal*

By Nameless_Fellow | 11

#6191583 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:24

*Insults daughter's intelligence*

BURN!!

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6191584 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:25

I hope she is good looking.

Reply

teyyoshi | 19

#6191875 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 6:44

why ？

Reply

ptoka | 20

#6192062 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 12:58

She can be the sexiest, most attractive girl ever, but you still can't fix stupid.

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6191587 - Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:25

And won't breed.