Miscellaneous: Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's... - FML

03/01/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 559

You deserved it 3 097

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk the line

Telenovela FML

21/03/2013 20:43 - United Kingdom - Retford

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 095

You deserved it 4 250

14/12/2014 11:55 - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 520

You deserved it 4 856

Cruel Summer

By placard3 - 02/10/2019 20:02

Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 136

20/05/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 273

You deserved it 22 880

29/06/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 690

You deserved it 12 505

High school drama

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:31 - India - Delhi

Today, the guy I have been going out with for six months cheated on me with the only girl I hate the most in the world. That girl ruined my previous relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 65

18/03/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 20 029

15/07/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 613

You deserved it 53 756

03/07/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 5 955

08/03/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 621

You deserved it 3 327

30/01/2015 18:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 2 568

24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 752

You deserved it 80 790

11/02/2016 12:24 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 091

You deserved it 3 952

20/11/2009 18:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 4 057

28/01/2010 02:41 - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 278

You deserved it 24 561

Wake up bark

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 05:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 54

04/12/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 517

You deserved it 3 852

14/07/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 42 544

16/05/2016 03:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Spicy

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 941

You deserved it 1 873

Twinned

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 20:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 276

04/09/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 513

You deserved it 964

20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 864

You deserved it 1 001

19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 622

You deserved it 6 694

20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 090

You deserved it 33 372

08/11/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 401

You deserved it 36 796

12/05/2011 06:17

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 481

You deserved it 3 028

Friendly advice

By babydoc - 03/07/2020 23:00

Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 149

20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 762

You deserved it 4 209

26/05/2019 20:30

Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 135

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 08:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 142

Better safe

By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 524

You deserved it 9 305

23/07/2012 04:28

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 216

You deserved it 2 785

17/05/2016 03:26 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 519

You deserved it 1 404

Your cooking, dude

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 20:00

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 638

25/12/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 291

You deserved it 29 301

16/02/2011 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 214

You deserved it 7 081

27/04/2018 19:00

Today, my mom won the lottery. My biological mom who I only met last year, after 33 years of not knowing who she was. She is sharing her millions with her kids, but that doesn't include me as I "don't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 790

You deserved it 610

Issues

By Badkitty14 - 09/08/2012 20:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 3 705

The money is still yours

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 14:01

Today, after I took extra shifts to be able take the woman I loved out for special weekend, she dumped me and now I'm working extra shift for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 98

19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 1 806

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:17

If he just turned 21 (unless drinking age is younger in canada?) should have just left it for him to clean up, then he'll learn moderation. But, otherwise, you're a good sister and I give you a thumbs up for being good to take care of your younger silly brother.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:08

That is. . . really gross. FYL.

Comments

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:08

That is. . . really gross. FYL.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 8:38

Aww that's adorable! Why do hungover teens always puke?? I never did, I just couldnt feel my senses but come on anyone else with me? Although if you hace a shot of pure Absynthe you can easily vomit.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:16

weird i ate chineese food and im a lil bro

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 8:53

?

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Thursday 19 January 2012 3:02

They were drinking! Hello what part of that did you miss...?

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:17

Should have left it for him to clean up. You could have left home for a few hours while he sobered up. Or just stayed away from the vomit.

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Monday 4 January 2010 20:38

This happened to me recently. It was my boyfriends little brother who went to a party, had probably... 2 shots of rum and came over because he knew he'd get in shit from his mom. I would have made him clean it up... but I KNOW he would have done a really bad job, so I made my boyfriend do it. His fault for letting him stay over and not telling his mom he was drunk. He's 15, he should get in trouble because if he thinks he can get away with it, he will keep doing it. I told him that was the first and last time. I helped clean after it was almost done. My present? The rest of his brothers rum.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:17

If he just turned 21 (unless drinking age is younger in canada?) should have just left it for him to clean up, then he'll learn moderation. But, otherwise, you're a good sister and I give you a thumbs up for being good to take care of your younger silly brother.

ladysandy_fml 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:19

Well, I know that in Ontario it's 21, and here in Quebec it's 18.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 17:49

Its 19 in Ontario....and most of Canada, except a few provinces where its 18. I live in Ontario.

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Monday 4 January 2010 20:47

This. I live in British Columbia and it's 19, I think only Alberta, Manitoba and Quebec have it as 18 for some reason.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:28

aahhh, ive been there with my sister... twice. that really does suck

ladysandy_fml 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:38

Well.. It's not like you're cleaning everytime he's getting drunk.. That's his first time ever so please dont be mean I'm shure that this happened to you before.. the first time we don't know what we can handle and everything so it's kinda normal. I think you're a good sister for taking care of your little brother.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:39

make a lot of noise today - bang pots and pans, slam doors, turn up the TV, talk very LOUD to him. make his hangover very miserable.

adi2 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 16:49

hey ur a good brother/sister. it's ur little bro first time, so it can be forgiven. but I would rub into his face so that he does not do it again :)

tast5 0

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Sunday 3 January 2010 17:24

The drinking age in Ontario is actually 19 i think for most of Canada its 18

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Sunday 3 January 2010 17:35

YDI for taking responsibility for your brother, just turn him on his face so he doesn't choke and leave.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

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Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 48

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

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You deserved it 113