Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML
Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "Fainting Goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
ShadowNinja445 12
Have some fun, OP. Play along too
Queen_bee1234 21
Time to call an exorcist.
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Comments (111)
PenguinBitch 44
I imagine your boss participating in an angry mob with pitchforks while still thinking she's playing around.
aruden 25
Dmeons are that advanced form of demons. There powers include spewing blood from their face and working with idiots. No further information can be found..
clrichmond2009 24
If you're going to correct someone else's spelling, you should probably have your own grammar in check.
Coolhwip92 8
His grammar is fine. His spelling isn't. Learn the difference before making an ironic post.
clrichmond2009 24
There, they're, and their is grammar, not spelling. As for dmeon, that was how demon was initially spelled in the FML. The mods fixed it after the fact. There should be their. He got it right the second time.
skittyskatbrat 19
This is SO time to get some bizarre tinted contacts.
GirlGamer12345 22
What a bazar lady
falon142012 22
Yeah, I'm sure she loves to go shopping at flea markets. *bizarre
Pleonasm 36
Didn't you know? Bazars are where all the dmeons hang out these days.
rocker_chick23 27
I don't think OP works at a flea market. Oh, you were trying to spell bizarre, my mistake
j_cat187 20
or brazzers
CanyonRose 16
Those dmeons are so much worse than demons op. Fyl.
thatsabiggun 11
Just go with it, if your boss is happy then don't bring his/her mood down, just sacrifice a little dignity
martin8337 36
Have fun with it, maybe it's actually driving your co-worker a little crazy. :-).
Nyarlothatep 12
I think the co-worker is a bit crazy to begin with...
fivetimeslonger 24
Play along! Sketch some pentagrams on sticky notes and leave them laying out, casually ask if anyone knows where you can get a sacrificial goat...
isuckwithnames 22
Even better idea, get one of those good fake tattoos of just basic demon stuff. Should probably talk to your boss first though.
steph_solaris 11
Love the username...
PengiPou 12
Play along with them