Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML
Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "Fainting Goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
ShadowNinja445 12
Have some fun, OP. Play along too
Queen_bee1234 21
Time to call an exorcist.
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Comments (111)
sioux4 17
I must not be human then either.
iAshelle 11
That isn't normal.
Thatguy334 7
Harassment lawsuit
sempisaviour 17
Oh my god... wow. Your boss is ridiculous. FYL, op. On an related note: 6! 6 6! THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!!
Mauskau 36
I got a nosebleed from crying at my aunt's funeral. It's quite difficult to cry with a nosebleed.
Witchylady 18
Well at least he sees the humour in it. What you really should do is fake not being able to enter a church. Preferably in her presence and watch your co worker flip out.
DemosthenesMB 13
Better yet, ask another coworker to throw a cup of tap water on you, then scream in agony.
DracoSpirita 21
Or pretend to get stuck in a Devil's Trap. :)
Guru_Gal 12
I also don't wear jackets in winter and can get nosebleeds from sneezing...! It isn't just me!! :D
realjojo 11
Oh no, they are everywhere!
A_Perfect_Circle 12
Get the blood capsules and pop them in your mouth, roll your eyes back, and scream.
vb68_fml 28
It IS hilarious!
DemosthenesMB 13
Why of course! You had a bloody nose! What other than the result of a Satanic ritual could it have been?!