Today, I went on a date where the guy got drunk off 11 White Claws, I got 18 ant bites (yes, I counted), stung by a yellow jacket, and lost both pairs of our shoes. He told me he was going to a strip club after, messed up my name 3 times and didn’t pay for anything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML
Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I went on the first date I've been on in years. While walking into the movie theatre, one of my shoes broke. Then I remembered that I needed to grab my mask. While walking back to the car, my other shoe broke. After the movie, I tripped on my broken shoes, and brought him down with me. FML
Today, at a fancy date, my boyfriend said he forgot his wallet. I was instantly furious, threw a drink in his face, and yelled that he was a no-good, tiny-dicked broke loser. Dripping wine, he then said, "…but I can still pay with my phone. You didn't let me finish." FML
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Save up for your second date, so you can have another fun adventure! Lots of people have trouble pronouncing "anonymous." You might want to choose an easy nickname, like Pat.
Roxy Rousseau 11
Learn when to cut your loses girl, just leave if it’s starting off badly.
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Comments (12)
RichardPencil 32
Save up for your second date, so you can have another fun adventure! Lots of people have trouble pronouncing "anonymous." You might want to choose an easy nickname, like Pat.
juggalo2 22
Did you bang on an ant nest? Or is that more of a third date activity?
John Nemeth 14
I mean I always hear about that “it’ll always be a night To remember” Well you are not forgetting this one.
Roxy Rousseau 11
Learn when to cut your loses girl, just leave if it’s starting off badly.
Brightside86 31
Visually its hard to imagine this date. Did you both passout/nap, and get swarmed by ants during a picnic?
tounces7 28
But he was cute, right? That's why you went on a date with those total stranger that you didn't have any information about him being a total asshipe beforehand?
Ambrily 27
Well, he sounds like a catch. Like, you know, when you catch a disease.
Matthew Irmen 11
Better to find this stuff out while on a date. It will only get worse
diraven 15
If he's going to the lumberjack strip club he probably wasn't that into you
Jonkbaby 23
Make sure he pays on the next date!