Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML
Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "Fainting Goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
ShadowNinja445 12
Have some fun, OP. Play along too
Queen_bee1234 21
Time to call an exorcist.
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Comments (111)
Extremist 7
play with it. flip her crucifix when she's not looking
wolfstalker213 14
Am I the only one thinking about Supernatural?
DracoSpirita 21
Someone call Crowley! He'll get the OP back in line. You're not supposed to let them know what you are, OP! One of the first rules of being a demon.
coppersmith 13
You need to start wearing jacket in winter. Anybody would be mistaken if you don't.
Curtis66 19
have a little fun MAKE them actually believe it.
rocker_chick23 27
My son gets nosebleeds in the winter due to the dry air. I never knew it meant demon possession. I also never knew I was possessed because I don't wear a coat in winter.
redwill85 10
Sounds like it's time to have fun playing a long running joke.
worldclassrager 41
Are you from the north and work in the south? I had the same thing...
mchmelev1993 10
Time to ask for a raise lol
guineagirl 18
Play along op maybe your boss will help and you can maybe scare the shit outta your coworker
Quiet_one 22
I've had random frequent nosebleeds my whole life. I guess no one ever told my mom she should have taken me to a priest when I was little, instead of all those doctors.