scratchpost
United States
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
cdn_steed
United States
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Anonymous
Rise and shine
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Anonymous
Pittsford, United States
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Anonymous
Cujo, but for cats
Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Anonymous
Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
tornkhakis
Bloomington, United States
Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML
meowmeow
Australia
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
patronuscat?
Meow!
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Top comments
nswan 5
lucky cat...
steelersfan32 0
ydi for having boobs hard enough for a cat to sharpen them on.
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Comments (132)
mexipunker 0
Sounds like your pussy needs to be punnished. ;) Lol
randiZ25 0
cat scratch fever!
driftability 0
Hawt meeeoooowwww!.
dave10 0
pics or it didn't happen.
ScrabbleBabe2010 0
Not a FML...
salaamdelroba 0
Rofl @ 35
salaamdelroba 0
Spank that pussy, girl! Spank it!
bubbarific 0
This strangley arouses me.
Ionic 0
Wow. It's almost sad to see how many people are so unoriginal. The pussy comments aren't cool, if that's what you were assuming.
DocBastard 40
Ionic, you can count on a few things here: 1) Whenever an FML contains anything resembling a cat, there will be many "pussy" references. 2) Whenever an FML is written by a whiny woman, several boys will reply "make me a sammich." 3) Whenever an FML is written by an asshole man, several girls will reply "typical asshole man." 4) Whenever an FML contains anything regarding obesity or food, many people will reply "lose some weight, fatty." 5) Whenever an FML is about someone getting hurt, someone will respond "Sue him!" and someone else will respond "only in America." 6) Whenever an FML contains a grammatical error, several Grammar Nazis will attempt to correct it, and several other people will respond "its only the internet! i dont need to spell rite. ur an idoit." Remember these things, and your FML experience will be much easier.
Lucidium 0
Doc, that should be in the FML guide or something :D
redbluegreen 41
You're forgetting when people argue over the proper spelling of a word when they're actually both right, it's just a matter of location.
bellus 0
An FML or a FML...? I won't be able to sleep now until someone tells me which one is the correct form. Preferably, a person who loves grammar.
fluffycats 0
STFU FAGG0T
sourgirl101 29
44 DocBastard, BRAVO! That was one of the most interesting comments I've read on here in quit some time. Well done!
wwerulez14 6
It's "an" FML, because you say the "f" first and it sounds like "eff", "em", "el". Or, just say them out loud and you'll realize that saying "a FML" makes you sound stupid. Happy to help :)
kingpin1320 3
So what you're saying is, it should be pronounced "an **** My Life." Sounds right to me... Thanks for the help.
ManaUser 0
Are you sure he was really sharpening his claws? Based on what I know about cats (and breasts), I'd say he was sounds more likely "kneading".
redbluegreen 41
It was meant as more of an expression than an actual testament as to what the cat was doing. I'd have said the same thing.