Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML
Today, I was nearly T-Boned at a stop sign by my ex-roommate. I moved 10 miles away to get away from her after her midlife crisis, and her losing the house, and now avoid her end of town. She now works outside my apartment. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
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Top comments
sweetjeebus 0
I'd rather stay in the car...
perdix 31
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I crashed my car intentionally outside your house because I still really love you but I don't have the courage to admit it to myself and definitely not to you. Thank heaven for "free" verse.
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Comments (84)
perdix 31
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I crashed my car intentionally outside your house because I still really love you but I don't have the courage to admit it to myself and definitely not to you. Thank heaven for "free" verse.
Feverrotes 15
#13 FTW
Funkengine12 0
Then you're screwed, 'cause you can't even write a sentence. Try this: "I know that I left you before,/ But now I am outside your door/ 'Cause I crashed my car/ (I got drunk at the bar)/ And now I need your help once more."
kevind23 0
Your english is poor. But my Spanish sucks too, so I guess that makes us even.
fabfoot 0
not everyone lives n town...could have been out n the country miles from nething else.
jonny2x4 0
Who the hell moderated this!?
chinCHILLaOUT 0
WTF IS GOING ON WITH THE COMMENTS!
chinCHILLaOUT 0
I think what the OP meant is that the car died/broke down on him. Like if your computer suddenly dies, you might say "my computer crashed on me."
chinCHILLaOUT 0
I know! Comments keep re-appearing and disapearing! It's annoying.
jonny2x4 0
Who the hell moderated this?
13_hannah 0
Guys.. calm down. When I first saw this FML while moderating them... it was actually something like, "Today, I became part of a classic horror-movie scene. My car broke down, blah blah blah, house lived by crazy psycho, blah blah" and the rest is the same as the published FML. Whoever edited this did a poor job, cuz it was fine when I first saw it :/
bobsanction 18
She's not crazy, she just still loves you.
LemonFairy 0
"To live and not to breathe/Is to die In tragedy/To run, to run away/To find what you believe/And I leave behind/This hurricane of ******* lies." :]
Lisa89 3
.. surely there would be other houses near by... who didn't have crazy exes in