Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML
Today, I was nearly T-Boned at a stop sign by my ex-roommate. I moved 10 miles away to get away from her after her midlife crisis, and her losing the house, and now avoid her end of town. She now works outside my apartment. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
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Top comments
sweetjeebus 0
I'd rather stay in the car...
perdix 31
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I crashed my car intentionally outside your house because I still really love you but I don't have the courage to admit it to myself and definitely not to you. Thank heaven for "free" verse.
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Comments (84)
driedpeaches 0
Are there just a bunch of 8 year olds moderating these?
a_robot_duck 0
FYL, but this really is one of the most poorly constructed (accepted) FMLs that I've ever read.
worsethanzombies 0
;; I can't believe I had to make an account to explain things. First of all, I am NOT Spanish, and you guys there blaming the poorly edited FML because you think I'm Spanish is pretty much racist and stereotypical ; Im a student from the states that MOVED to Spain to study at an Foreign-Languages College. This actually happened three days ago, when I was invited to attend a friend's wedding back at home in california. I was driving to the wedding reception when my car broke down (thus leading to the only nearby house being my ex's... but that's another story :P). Yes, it "broke down", not "crashed". I don't know who modded my FML but they seriously messed it up. Shame on you guys who think that EVERYONE who lives in Spain can't speak English. Seriously :|
eleni_fml 0
Sounds like a bad movie.
DarkBlisBT 0
I think you crashed your car, not that your car crashed itself. but other than that i feel for you, that would suck.
orisit28 0
and your still with her... why??
pottymouthpanda 0
ex-gfs do da darnest things this days :)
dhone 0
I feel your pain....hopefully you lived
AshiBaby 0
Woow, that sucks.
doctor_awesome 8
at least it wasn't the human centipede guy.