Today, after paying back the money my grandma lent me to fix...

By broke_broken - 11/10/2013 22:53 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying back the money my grandma lent me to fix my car, I stepped outside, only to see my car leaking antifreeze all over the driveway. I had to ask for the money back to fix it again. FML

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Money

Thanks, I'm cured!

All for nothing

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By PrinceJ - 27/10/2018 17:30

Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML

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By lex - 14/2/2013 11:01 - United States

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

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By gnofin - 22/3/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

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By LindseyS - 20/3/2012 02:00 - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 12:37 - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

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By mypelvishurts - 23/2/2013 07:32 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

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By trooper93 - 18/1/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 05:50

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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By chelserusera - 14/5/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

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By baberuth - 19/6/2015 22:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

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By JerryClark - 2/2/2020 14:00 - United States - San Bernardino

So beautiful!

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2018 19:00

Today, I told my unemployed boyfriend to pick a town anywhere in the country that he thinks he can find work in. I offered to find myself a job there, find a flat, and pay for rent, bills, and food while he looks. He said I was selfish for wanting him to hurry up. It's been three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

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By 2ndchoice - 12/12/2009 15:47 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML

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By ohgosh1428 - 18/7/2019 04:00

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 20:00

He is lucky

Today, I bought a drink and a sandwich to a homeless guy, but he turned them down because in the last hour of begging he's raked in over £60 and usually begs nearly £300 a day, so, he doesn't need my charity. This homeless bum makes more than I do in a full time job. FML

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By Anon - 13/3/2016 00:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

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By FinanciallyF*ked - 21/11/2018 15:30

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

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By TheLemon - 17/2/2017 04:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

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By imawesome - 2/3/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML

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By BuggedinBelgium - 24/9/2015 20:15

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

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By NeedANewWindshield - 24/8/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

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By stupidgirl - 30/9/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 21:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

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By pissed_off_girl - 1/4/2013 02:59 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

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By sad drummer - 17/1/2013 20:50 - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

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By me - 11/11/2015 17:10 - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

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By badizzle - 15/9/2019 22:00

Helmut Newton strikes back

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

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By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 5/8/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2014 21:13 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

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By sandwichsex - 8/8/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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By rhunter17 - 6/4/2015 19:38

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

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By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

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By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 02:02

Denied

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2013 15:55 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

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By Josh - 6/3/2015 00:25 - United States - Fenton

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

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Top comments

By nnnope | 26

#5712915 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:19

that sucks :( at least your grandma was nice enough to help you out!

props to you for being responsible enough to pay her back, too.

By Ambient25 | 24

#5712920 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:20

And I'm sure your grandma will be more than happy to help you out again. Debts suck dude but at least you showed that you could pay it back

COMMENTS

By nnnope | 26

#5712915 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:19

that sucks :( at least your grandma was nice enough to help you out!

props to you for being responsible enough to pay her back, too.

Harshdfml | 14

#5712948 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:26

That's one rare grandma. My grandma would cuss me out if I asked for money.!

Ambient25 | 24

#5712951 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:28

Probably because you asked too often

Harshdfml | 14

#5712960 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:31

Haven't ever actually.. Just a presumption.

DocBastard | 38

#5712972 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:35

I think she'd curse at you for not putting on a damned shirt.

caohm | 18

#5712998 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:57

#16 but doc how will all the ladies know how ripped and cool he is???

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5713061 - Saturday 12 October 2013 6:59

#24 Sssshhhhh. Sshhh. Ssshhh. Let's not judge Doc. He seems to be a professional. I'd take his advice..

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5713115 - Saturday 12 October 2013 8:44

yeah not like me, i owe my dad like 40k

\ | 28

#5713135 - Saturday 12 October 2013 9:29

It could very well be a blown head gasket...

SarMarJo | 17

#5713152 - Saturday 12 October 2013 10:24

Probably not.

mikepzz | 27

#5713269 - Saturday 12 October 2013 14:46

39, you've never seen a head gasket go before have you?

nnnope | 26

#5713280 - Saturday 12 October 2013 15:14

49 - judging from his profile, I'd guess he hasn't seen a lot of things that happen in reality.

\ | 28

#5713733 - Saturday 12 October 2013 22:49

#50 - coming from a girl with a profile picture of a cat.

ChevyRedneck85 | 13

#5715538 - Monday 14 October 2013 5:36

60- does an alternator put out an ac current and convert it to dc? Or put out dc and convert it to ac?

By Ambient25 | 24

#5712920 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:20

And I'm sure your grandma will be more than happy to help you out again. Debts suck dude but at least you showed that you could pay it back

caohm | 18

#5712997 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:56

it wasn't your fault so he should understand and hopefully be willing to help

caohm | 18

#5713010 - Saturday 12 October 2013 6:08

yes

By PauloM_fml | 9

#5712921 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:20

I'm sure she feel great for being able to help you :)

By hiitisbrooke | 26

#5712923 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:20

Aw I hope your grandma understands and doesn't care if you wait a bit longer to get more money to pay her back

By Spyfiction | 6

#5712924 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:20

It could be worse!

mario2012 | 18

#5712977 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:37

Um...how?

Ambient25 | 24

#5712980 - Saturday 12 October 2013 5:39

she could have went all Street Fighter on his car I guess...

tj4234 | 35

#5713139 - Saturday 12 October 2013 9:43

She's right, it could be worse. I had a similar issue but i never noticed the leak, and i blew the engine. (Thermostat also didn't work, so i couldn't see that the car had overheated).