Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML
Today, my roommate eavesdropped on me singing. When I realized he was there, he said I was "fucking incredible" and asked me to do another song. There's just one issue: I only sing well when I'm alone. The result was predictably bad. If it was possible to literally die of embarrassment, I wouldn't be writing this. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I gave a presentation. My teacher deducted points because I "need to learn how to speak more confidently, because you often stumble over your words." I have a stutter. FML
Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML
Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Today, I have a stutter that gets worse with stress. We got a new supervisor today and the first thing she said to me was, “Either spit it out or write it in an email, for fuck's sake!” I’m now so scared of her, I go almost mute if we’re in the same room. FML
Today, I was practicing a presentation while walking around my apartment. I didn’t realize my neighbor was standing outside my door, listening. When I opened it, he said, “Strong opening, but you lost confidence halfway.” I didn’t ask for notes. FML
Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and some clapped. FML
Today, my theatre studies professor played a soundscape, then had us write what we thought the meaning was. I thought it was a simulation of what schizophrenia was like. Turns out the teacher bet her friend she could convince us that a bunch of people speaking gibberish meant something. FML
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Top comments
annetsplayground 2
there is a very simple solution to this. when she walks in on you, pause and say: 'oh hi, i was just rehearsing for my class tomorrow' if she lives with you she probably knows you have a stutter and she'll understand. duh.
ideasrule 13
Tell her about it? Is it so hard for her to believe you have a stutter if you see her every day?
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Comments (76)
EpicPear 0
Yep. Now your life is ****** and you will never be able to explain to her the truth although she is right next to you.
brammaha 0
derp
EpicPear 0
What tge **** d
EpicPear 0
What the **** did you call me?
thesunsetglow_fml 8
I believe it was a poor attempt to say "pear backwards". Tsk, they must have a speech impediment like the OP. Sighs. On a compleately unrelated note.. I know this guy who has a speech impediment that makes it sound like he has a British accent. Coolest thing ever. :)
thesunsetglow_fml 8
Whoops, got my quotation mark in the wrong place. ** "pear" There we go. At ease, grammar Nazis. As you were!
KyleIsSoFine 0
O_o
liecake 0
Don't worry, 22, none of us get it, either.
bailes_o_hay 0
lol so your saying british people sound like that because they all have speech impediments?! interesting
Sw33tFML 0
no, I've heard people are told that if they fake an accent their stuttering will decrease...crazy...
swimmerstud 7
derp is another word for retard
Glenn_Coco 0
herpaderp
petrc1290 0
herpdaderpdaderpityderpdaderpdadum
gladstone123 5
But if you normally stutter, wouldn't she know?
SadinSherman 16
Maybe it's a nervous stutter.
rickolette 0
Probably. Her roommate might not have ever seen her nervous before.
nigsuzzi 3
Perhaps op rehearses every conversation of her life before she has it O_o
ideasrule 13
Tell her about it? Is it so hard for her to believe you have a stutter if you see her every day?
meganannee 0
now that's just mean!
FriendlyFires 0
i know how you feel,I have the same problem
Arsonnist 3
Do you rehearse everything you say to her?
annetsplayground 2
there is a very simple solution to this. when she walks in on you, pause and say: 'oh hi, i was just rehearsing for my class tomorrow' if she lives with you she probably knows you have a stutter and she'll understand. duh.
JR11 5
um agreeeed
Zebidee 8
Exactly this. Firstly, rehearsing stuff is what everybody is told to do, and secondly, so what - just explain it. Either you reacted in a bizarre manner, or your roommate is staggeringly immature. If they bring it up again, just tell them they're a idiot.
nigsuzzi 3
I find most FMLs, like Adam Sandler movies, can be solved very easily with a simple conversation.
FYLDeep 25
Nah, you got it mixed up. You're supposed to practice writing for writing class. I know these things can be confusing...
justsomgirl 4
This comment totally made me laugh. Out loud even. Well done.
rockefoe 6
hey that's cool! some really smart people are schizophrenic!