Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Tell him you wanted a real *****, not a scale model.
saIty 17
Art... I got art...
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Comments (142)
Ugi 27
Of course. How seasonal.
seandoc 13
That's the perfect gift!
Sinamoi 18
Your profile picture with that comment is going to ******* haunt my dreams.
gc327072 31
15- only the ******* dreams.
1dvs_bstd 41
Whatever happened to good ol' fashioned dick in a box?
RedPillSucks 33
Who says he didn't put it in a box? Oh, you meant a real dick... Ew
1dvs_bstd 41
... and your point is?
Chanti_fml 26
Well it's very creative, you have to give him that.
Ugi 27
pro-creative, one might even say!
oj101 33
What a dick of a boyfreind you've got there. He should do **** himself dil it hurts in his ho'.
daner10 5
I don't even know..
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
20- Did you attempt to type this with your dick or something?
raven1911 3
that's a fail bordering on epic proportions, you should leave the puns to the professionals ;/
yeti37 16
**** fight!
stoych 19
Just say it was cupcakes, then go buy some or make some! Awkwardness gone.
Neonemerld 21
Because cupcakes are a common holiday gift.
naya_bingi 11
They would be for me! But then again, I'm a fatass... In a relationship with a guy that decided to start baking cookies the moment I said we needed to go to the hospital cause I was in labor... :/ But hey, even the nurses appreciated his gesture ^.^
exitdecay 6
how did he get that made?
gysgtware 4
www.cloneyourbone.com
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
www.plasticyourdick.com
gc327072 31
Are those actually web domains?? :0
MrPlopper 9
Lemonparty.org
perdix 31
If it's molded, you're gonna wanna wipe it down with Lysol real good before insertion.
Pleonasm 36
If a penis can go into her normally without lysol, why should the mold need it? Now if you had said mouldy, different story...
zoeerm 4
becoz incase he came..?
Pleonasm 36
Wut.
seacadet 18
He meant molded like "mold"! You know, what gets on bread after awhile.
Pleonasm 36
Just that he used the wrong adjective, plus I must admit I always thought it was spelt mould, not mold, so that's my bad.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
69- moulded is correct in England :) mold in America, same as colour
jjbond01 4
Lmao, that's pretty unique idea.
Angelrae 5
I agree :)