Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday...

By Brittany - 10/4/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19013

You deserved it

49721

Favorite

Love

Body issues

Great boyfriend

Live dumping

By mehdi - 13/10/2008 08:20

Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

325794

Phew, glad it wasn't me

33587

Favorite

By condom_kid - 27/7/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12351

You deserved it

73261

Favorite

By (///▽///) - 18/2/2017 21:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4531

You deserved it

2916

Favorite

By Hum - 2/7/2011 21:50 - Switzerland

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32607

You deserved it

11918

Favorite

By Unlucky taxi driver - 8/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3312

You deserved it

529

Favorite

By Brad - 8/3/2009 05:33 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156932

You deserved it

7475

Favorite

By James - 31/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31284

You deserved it

17919

Favorite

By fuck yuo - 1/9/2012 20:50 - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21425

You deserved it

5065

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63458

You deserved it

6431

Favorite

By Weldingtags - 28/10/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27973

You deserved it

2930

Favorite

By uncleaning - 22/7/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45370

You deserved it

4553

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/1/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29194

You deserved it

8052

Favorite

By Fluffy - 11/1/2012 12:51 - United States

Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29801

You deserved it

6208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/8/2013 21:37 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50036

You deserved it

4991

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 03:17 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26622

You deserved it

2331

Favorite

By brokebackanus - 18/12/2015 14:15 - United States - Detroit

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23425

You deserved it

7740

Favorite

By bntje - 14/4/2013 20:39 - Netherlands - Holten

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76366

You deserved it

3817

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 03:29 - United States - Panora

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23533

You deserved it

5456

Favorite

By sparky83000 - 29/10/2015 20:51 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25023

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/2/2011 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34131

You deserved it

7364

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2014 20:35 - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54118

You deserved it

4859

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24022

You deserved it

37366

Favorite

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/6/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21854

You deserved it

32444

Favorite

By bankergirl - 16/1/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10445

You deserved it

27104

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71293

You deserved it

17612

Favorite

By screwed.over - 10/10/2009 23:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32960

You deserved it

2744

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 13:57 - Norway

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31059

You deserved it

2339

Favorite

By Ouchithurt - 4/8/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49803

You deserved it

20927

Favorite

By Shopper - 23/5/2012 22:50 - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21178

You deserved it

7611

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/11/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

I don't know why

Today I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got bug bit on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By ronnieG - 16/7/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63196

You deserved it

8729

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/7/2019 04:09

Today, I wanted to be on top during sex, after always being on the bottom. Afterwards, he said, "You're never riding me like that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By Mick - 20/2/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859167

You deserved it

94176

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2659

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By mariokarter - 28/8/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52485

You deserved it

6951

Favorite

By QuietGirlSucks - 30/8/2016 15:51 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13632

You deserved it

4639

Favorite

By royallymessedup - 14/8/2016 13:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12912

You deserved it

1095

Favorite

By Konstantine - 5/10/2009 13:55 - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47387

You deserved it

3523

Favorite

By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2013 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38570

You deserved it

2816

Favorite

By tishihish - 12/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29842

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 666midnight | 0

#100806 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:37

Lol shoulda told him not to open it till he was alone then...YDI

By wowfmlife | 0

#100797 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

awwwwkwarrddd

Comments

By wowfmlife | 0

#100797 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

awwwwkwarrddd

By lilian96 | 0

#100798 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

hell ye
that would be VERY awkward .

By craZlife | 0

#100801 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

hahahahaha what did they say?
that sucks though

By 666midnight | 0

#100806 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:37

Lol shoulda told him not to open it till he was alone then...YDI

LaLince | 40

#5205955 - Sunday 2 December 2012 6:37

easy & correct

By Pittfan557 | 0

#100821 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:41

That is so wrong what happened next??? i would have loved to see the look on your, your boyfriends, and his parents faces......priceless

By lilian96 | 0

#100822 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

haha YDI

b182link | 0

#970305 - Monday 29 March 2010 4:28

why wouldn't they invite his parents?

By popcorn_chicken | 0

#100864 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:42

of course his parents would come...its his birthday.
well that sucks what did they say?

By sugarspyce | 0

#100882 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:53

hahahahahah
atleast there wasn't a whip in there.

By Orlinda | 2

#100913 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:55

even if the parents was not invited, why would you even do it with his friends????

By youknowit2 | 0

#100914 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:50

I agree with #3.... this could have been a easy situation to deal with. You stash the present aside once you know his parents are there then open it later. I assume you could remember what paper you wrapped it in and pull it aside, no? Crisis easily averted.