It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

Wet noodle

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML