Love: Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know,... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2014 17:40 - Canada - Windsor

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 163

You deserved it 3 704

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

Best teeth in the game

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 3 300

By thatstinks - 07/04/2011 03:12 - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 444

You deserved it 2 957

By girly - 12/04/2012 04:06 - United States - Canton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 52 521

Jimmy Handtricks

By Abandonded - 28/05/2021 08:02

Spicy

Today, my husband is a music teacher, and I walked in on him on Zoom with one of his female students. He said he was teaching her the guitar. He was naked from the waist down and she was fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 165

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 443

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 514

You deserved it 19 378

By thedogkisser - 06/06/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 077

You deserved it 84 059

By sweeeeet - 09/02/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 921

You deserved it 2 209

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 4 546

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 4 579

By squirts - 27/11/2013 04:42

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 161

You deserved it 5 303

By Anonymous - 31/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 018

You deserved it 5 348

By burntloyalty - 26/03/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 154

You deserved it 3 205

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 279

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 68

By NoTypeOfExercise - 11/07/2016 15:05 - United States - Encino

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 280

You deserved it 1 431

By DesignNerd - 25/01/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend excitedly told me all about this new video game she'd just discovered that she thought I'd love. It was her Xmas present from me 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 198

You deserved it 192

Own that shit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 20:01

Today, I'm at my in-laws for breakfast. I used the restroom to do a number 2 but the water flow isn't going. It's not clogged, but the water is not fully leaving, and my boyfriend's phone is dead. I'm helpless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 95

Snug as a bug…

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 02:01

Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 141

By anonymous - 03/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 266

You deserved it 3 373

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 05:16 - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 125

You deserved it 21 137

By brokebitch - 09/05/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 1 191

By Dog_Lover - 18/12/2012 15:30 - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 668

You deserved it 9 675

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 40 982

By habassistant - 02/01/2013 15:49 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 936

You deserved it 5 228

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 595

You deserved it 8 488

Good one, thanks

By MarkTheShark - 12/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 818

You deserved it 6 834

By mark - 11/01/2009 02:11 - France

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 956

You deserved it 9 300

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 411

You deserved it 971

By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 754

You deserved it 2 995

By knickedleg - 22/05/2010 07:03 - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 371

You deserved it 25 148

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 737

You deserved it 16 728

Kids are assholes to each other

By sphear880 - 21/05/2021 19:59

Today, I have discovered that my daughter is struggling with anorexia. When I sat down to talk with her about it, she said it’s because, "all the other kids at school keep calling her fat." She was underweight before, and has now gone to being severely underweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 309

You deserved it 11 752

By Cinderella - 09/07/2017 14:55

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 867

You deserved it 2 321

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 044

You deserved it 2 351

By Questions - 12/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 471

You deserved it 493

The spirit of John Lennon

By Becks - 07/09/2020 23:01

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 01/06/2019 22:00

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 133

By hushnow - 07/02/2011 18:04 - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 789

You deserved it 3 726

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:38

You're better off without him.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

Hey abstract is an acquired taste but very expensive and classy. Move on and forward.

Comments

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:38

You're better off without him.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:42

Maybe

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:43

yeah she is. at least OP is a fucking master piece, unlike that guy who is a piece of shit.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 21:41

"She?" OP is male...

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 21:47

*he

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Thursday 20 November 2014 0:25

OP is a piece of art at a museum and they say not to touch the masterpieces. His boyfriend is not allowed to touch him. Agreed OP you're better off without him

cre8tvlylicnsd 14

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Thursday 20 November 2014 2:07

Go Van Gogh on his ass--except, chop off his dong. Or better yet, use a rusty cheese grater.

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Thursday 20 November 2014 7:05

Wow , a little too far... Jebus.... Battery acid and water torture is much more humane .

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Thursday 20 November 2014 7:21

The iPhone app doesn't show things like gender, location, etc so mistaking she for he is an honest mistake.

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Thursday 20 November 2014 7:24

Icwhutyoudidthar.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Thursday 20 November 2014 18:23

#59, that would be Lorena Bobbitt...

purpleturtle16 20

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Friday 21 November 2014 6:09

Totally. The boyfriend's a real piece of shit.

munchie_omnom 10

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Friday 21 November 2014 22:23

What he said was funny... Well if it was a joke kept in your own head that is

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:38

What an ass.

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Thursday 20 November 2014 20:13

An abstrass

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

He sounds horrible! You could do so much better OP

baxeh 29

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

Wow, good riddance OP, you don't need a douchebag like that.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:39

Hey abstract is an acquired taste but very expensive and classy. Move on and forward.

PenguinBitch 43

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:38

Daryl thinks otherwise: "It looks like a dog sat on paint and smeared his ass all over it."

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 22:46

Such uplifting comforting words #37

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 23:04

And some how I think I'd pay more for a painting by a dogs ass then "daryl's" opinion .

Kazze 31

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 23:06

#37: Storage Wars reference?

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 23:36

#37 haha walking dead reference!

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 23:44

That was a quote from Daryl talking about a painting on the last episode of the "Walking Dead". Carol liked it, Daryl thought otherwise. I'm up to date on the series so I understood the hidden joke. (:

19990231 29

Thursday 20 November 2014 0:13

49, it's not a hidden joke; he blatantly who said the 'funny line'.

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Thursday 20 November 2014 3:07

Son of a bitch I didn't get that far yet ....

DropTheDaggerxx 31

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Thursday 20 November 2014 5:14

@61, No real spoiler was given. Just that those 2 are still alive and Daryl's become a professional art criticinterpreter.

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:40

there's the right way & then the wrong way, this wasn't the right way

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:40

Wow never heard that line before. It's that new.

isabellasimone 18

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:40

Well, at least you know now before you guys got married or something. Someone someday will find you to be a beautiful piece of art, so don't worry about it!

JOEBOBARNOLD 15

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:41

Haven't heard that before. Sorry op, someone will appreciate you though

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Wednesday 19 November 2014 20:42

But lots of people love abstract art!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 102

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 1 254