Love: Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our...

By ahhhboys - 27/11/2010 19:12 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 6 231

Love

Another great day to be alive

Batman

Look who's talking

By tallesttree54 - 11/11/2016 00:38

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 471

You deserved it 1 346

By pathetic - 06/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 948

You deserved it 22 534

By Ezzie - 29/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 2 740

By kirstyrd - 12/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 943

You deserved it 36 018

Shush

By Bride - 25/02/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 146

By anonymous - 21/06/2010 12:21 - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 129

You deserved it 6 058

By notsofriendly - 06/11/2014 20:15 - United States - Austin

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 729

You deserved it 7 785

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 04:01

Today, for my birthday, I got a hotel room for me and my boyfriend. He decided that spending time with a female friend was more important than spending time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 84

By NotSoSick - 12/02/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 449

You deserved it 3 846

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 318

You deserved it 2 477

By done - 09/08/2017 19:30 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I started to fill out a job application online, with age being one of the first things I put in. After half an hour and 40 questions, I hit submit. I was then told that I wasn't old enough to apply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 096

You deserved it 393

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 116

You deserved it 3 145

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 545

You deserved it 2 988

By gpistas - 23/05/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 3 001

By nofriends - 01/06/2011 04:28 - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 281

You deserved it 15 015

By cuppycakeslove - 07/12/2011 11:35 - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 255

You deserved it 3 157

By Sua - 19/09/2013 06:15 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 4 280

By people suck - 28/03/2015 04:16 - United States - Oakland

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 319

You deserved it 2 505

By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 128

You deserved it 22 905

By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 726

You deserved it 11 891

By paradox - 07/02/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 305

You deserved it 5 343

By Hesintrouble - 23/07/2013 19:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 309

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 920

You deserved it 5 421

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 15:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 874

You deserved it 3 189

By me - 02/03/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 56 632

Top brass

By Lipstick lez - 15/05/2021 11:02

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 758

By Superman - 15/11/2012 06:01 - United States - Bellflower

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 02:46 - United States - Glasford

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 113

You deserved it 5 906

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 616

You deserved it 5 895

By thatsjustgreat - 25/01/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 796

You deserved it 9 241

By disguested - 04/03/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 579

You deserved it 16 727

By ewewew - 24/09/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 356

You deserved it 4 780

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 5 089

Consolation prize

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I realised my bestie ditched me for her best friend, which was fine because it's her first. But then I found out she's been hanging out with other new friends and never once thought to hit me up, until I messaged her about feeling sad we hadn't hung out in a while because of the pandemic. Guess it wasn't just the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 129

By Username - 02/08/2011 06:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 2 855

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 2 001

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 042

You deserved it 3 166

It's not me…

By Shropintz - 23/02/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 333

You deserved it 5 162

By rhunter17 - 06/04/2015 19:38

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 773

You deserved it 10 547

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 11:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 436

You deserved it 3 569

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Top comments

thisgirl2u 9

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:19

How exciting!! Hey it takes baby steps to make it anywhere. :) But on a side note, how on earth did you think he was ready to invite you in when you two don't yet feel comfortable enough to pass gas in one another's presence??

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:31

"Today my boyfriend is comfortable with himself around me. FML" You fart too, OP. Unless you're a robot. If you don't fart, you'll spontaneously combust into a fireball of fart fire.

drakem 7

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:12

how did it smell?

unidentified_sta 5

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:18

Like love

VeeVengeance 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 1:23

and sweet romance

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 2:34

the hottest thing any girl can do is learn to love a mans fart. if a woman like the smell of her mans fart he'll be putty in her hands.I have passed this lesson down to my kids as well.

MissLizWolf 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 3:58

48: your profile picture... is amazing. I would very much like to own a 'used pad costume' also.(:

MnBran6 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 4:33

55, don't forget to teach them what happens when they shave our backs ;) . @OP dude has his priorities straight.

Serec 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 12:38

owwwouuurrrowww!!!!

randall_doak 4

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Monday 29 November 2010 3:40

#55, if you truly have reproduced, then I feel sorry for the world... I truly do........

iheart 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:12

what is it with guys and gas? o.O

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:17

girls can do it too lol. OP be glad he's comfortable enough around you to do that, unless he just is plain gross

Sadochan 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:13

Whats with girls and holding it in like pussies?

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:22

No, what is it with girls and queefing? I just farted!

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:26

33 - If you had a gaping hole in which air was pushed, you would also expel it in the same manner.

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:35

Gaping hole?

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Sunday 28 November 2010 1:19

33, we cant help when we queef during sex...well usually...

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 28 November 2010 2:54

Guys, on the other hand, CAN help it. We just choose not to! :p

Bano360 25

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Sunday 28 November 2010 3:03

we're to fart around women. but it's bad to hold them in. so if the woman is comfortable with it, it makes us happy.

randall_doak 4

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Monday 29 November 2010 3:42

Haha #35, if your hole is gaping, I feel sorry for you, and whoever has to fuck you next HAHAHAHA!!!!

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Monday 29 November 2010 15:50

Not once did I imply MY hole was gaping. Please learn the tools used in the English language. This one is called an exaggeration, in simpler terms.

JessieKayGreen 13

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:57

dude i know righttt o . o

iEmily 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:12

Gross.

Wizardroxx 3

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:13

Fail.

Just_Me_143 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 11:20

Yes, also a repeat. Except the old one was about shitting with the door open.

Wizardroxx 3

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Sunday 28 November 2010 15:37

I remember that... nice memory. I swear, these FML's get unoriginal throughout time.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

Take it a step further. And start to shart

ImJustMosh 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

What's sharting?

Doortje 29

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:02

JFGI. Although now you're probably gonna ask what that means...

thisgirl2u 9

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:04

No, I'm not going to ask. I'm going to Google it.

skyttlz 32

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Sunday 28 November 2010 4:26

When you fart but shit yourself.

sarinasusu 2

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Sunday 28 November 2010 8:32

Nahh she should tell him if he farts their sex days are over(:

AthinaMarie 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:17

Yep thats a step up the commitment ladder. o_O

thisgirl2u 9

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:19

Cinn_fml 22

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:22

^Valid point. So long as he doesn't do it all the time and it basically means that he's comfortable to be human around you, it's not a problem.

Kawaiichan42 3

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Sunday 28 November 2010 4:09

I was going to say something along the same lines. Humans are sometimes disgusting, and if you want to live with anybody, you have to be able to be comfortable with the lovely side of them, as well as the more vile side. I'm sure he'll ask you to move in soon, like 9 said, it takes baby steps.