Health: Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Our house, in the middle of our street

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 07:58 - United States - Edison

Booze don't cure the blues

Today, it was my birthday, and even the person who seemed excited about me finally turning 21 and can legally drink forgot. Guess who got drunk alone tonight? This guy. FML

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By Oops - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 30/5/2020 02:00

Condom advertisement

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

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By happypineapple - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

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By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis

Funny, thanks

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By hushnow - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

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By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By creepedouthostess - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

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By emi

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

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By metallicatime - United States

Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

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By dafuqdidisee - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

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By nikaea - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

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By seepeezy32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

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By Delicious - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

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By chewybarseventy - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

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By Neckbruise101 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

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By hotmommy

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

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By Puick - France - Sonchamp

Today, I went to a party organised by my ex. I was the last to sit down, after looking at the nametags on all 50+ chairs. That's how I realised the chair labelled "Fuckface" was mine; the one located between her parents' seats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennewick

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

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By liveforpeace_ - Canada

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

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By nicole - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Warsaw

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

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By Jade - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

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By cool trick buddy - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was tailgated on the highway. There was a car in the lane next to me, and my tailgater was WAY too close to risk slowing down, so I sped up in order to switch lanes, which bumped me over the speed limit. That's when my tailgater turned on the flashing lights. FML

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By mike h - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

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By unknown

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

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By

Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

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By vanessax - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7627347 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:43

Please tell me you weren’t doing the sexy bathing together thing when this happened!

At least he has a data point for science! Turds don’t echo in the bathtub, but they do resonate on FML. Surely, someone will soon comment that the situation is of a very specific kind.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7627345 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:32

Well it wasn’t a bathtub either.

COMMENTS

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7627345 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:32

Well it wasn’t a bathtub either.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7627347 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:43

Please tell me you weren’t doing the sexy bathing together thing when this happened!

At least he has a data point for science! Turds don’t echo in the bathtub, but they do resonate on FML. Surely, someone will soon comment that the situation is of a very specific kind.

By pugs | 12

#7627349 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:56

What was it, a baby?

By Clive Wakeham_938077894 | 4

#7627350 - Thursday 26 April 2018 1:58

what a shitty conclusion.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7627382 - Thursday 26 April 2018 4:29

You’re supposed to say “situation,” rookie.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7627719 - Thursday 26 April 2018 21:54

Shituation

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7627373 - Thursday 26 April 2018 3:12

C'mon tell us !!

The suspense is killing us!

By Chazzster | 20

#7627378 - Thursday 26 April 2018 3:48

All I can say is OMG! I assume he had to clean it up and disinfect the tub himself.

At some point in your life you learn not to have too much confidence in a fart and be more careful.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7627379 - Thursday 26 April 2018 3:55

Were you in the tub with him at the time?

By Zekfen | 17

#7627380 - Thursday 26 April 2018 4:13

Y’all should have lit it on fire. You know, just to experiment and see what would happen....

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7627394 - Thursday 26 April 2018 6:36

So what was this shit you speak of?

By AutumnMarie3639 | 18

#7627406 - Thursday 26 April 2018 7:58

sounds like you had a... shit-uation.