Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and... - FML

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 013

You deserved it 10 916

Batman

Stop talking!

Great family you've got there

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Spicy

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 640

You deserved it 3 849

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 12:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 251

You deserved it 2 970

It's not karaoke night, mom

By RadioactiveKush - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream, "YEAH", "WOO HOO", and, "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing 'Amazing Grace' in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 2 555

You, you, you…

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 14:30 - India - Thane

Today, I sat through all 3 rounds of interviews for a job along with 14 others. It's assumed that if you reached the third round the job is guaranteed, but it turns out that's not the case. All 14 others were selected. Not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 6 796

By Anna - 18/03/2010 12:20 - United States

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 4 856

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 972

You deserved it 31 219

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 14:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 419

You deserved it 8 535

By WHY - 01/04/2016 00:58 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 952

You deserved it 32 857

By Ginny - 30/06/2009 09:23 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 360

You deserved it 16 160

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 17:06 - United States

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 721

You deserved it 1 996

By Anonymous - 03/07/2009 19:56 - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 3 854

By hs - 30/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 766

You deserved it 49 540

By anonymous - 01/02/2009 10:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 029

You deserved it 6 260

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words killing, dying and death. I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 540

By justlittleoldme - 12/03/2010 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 7 262

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 530

You deserved it 1 795

By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 38 665

By tsakashvili - 26/05/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 765

You deserved it 18 871

Thanks, dad

By manoloonfire - 21/12/2020 15:04 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 81

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 977

You deserved it 7 844

Soaked

By SunBed - 11/05/2020 17:00

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 094

You deserved it 97 295

By tenthousandspoon - 13/09/2010 00:08 - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 3 035

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 593

You deserved it 318

Spotified

By aarong - 10/02/2014 06:42 - United States - Tampa

Spicy

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 412

You deserved it 7 948

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 792

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 234

You deserved it 5 354

By mike - 11/03/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 7 122

By mellielynnemily - 26/10/2014 22:46 - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 619

You deserved it 4 423

By unemployed - 20/04/2013 00:16 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 761

You deserved it 3 373

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 994

You deserved it 2 512

By English - 01/12/2008 03:25 - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the movies. She replies, "Sorry I have to do stuff with my parents" Her mum calls and by mistake my girlfriend pressed loud speaker, the first thing her mum said was "Be back at 11". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 057

You deserved it 2 517

By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 06:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 322

You deserved it 3 120

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 825

You deserved it 9 951

By krissysays - 25/10/2010 02:16 - United States

Today, I heard on the news that the average debt one is in when they graduate college is $24,000. I've been in college for one year and my debt is already $20,000. And it turns out that my school's accreditation does not exist like I was told. $20,000 in debt and no college credits to show for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 081

You deserved it 7 734

By snickerdoodles - 08/01/2010 06:30 - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 337

You deserved it 3 963

By Cornbreesha - 28/11/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 891

You deserved it 17 276

By JoseIsAdork - 11/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 261

You deserved it 2 359

By Anonymous - 27/01/2015 00:19 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 416

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Top comments

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:38

Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:44

No, this is Patrick. O.o

Comments

CMC_LOVES_MGM 19

Monday 24 December 2012 9:36

Did you kick him back and Yell No this is!

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Monday 24 December 2012 18:06

your comment is bad and you should feel bad

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Monday 24 December 2012 18:10

Hear hear

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Monday 24 December 2012 19:29

Fail

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 5:07

No it should have been "no, this is Patrick!" And pull him off.

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Saturday 11 July 2015 0:01

you should say: " Noy so fast, Cortana says you're greek, so stick this foot up in your ass" and then start rap XD

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:36

Holy Crap! I'd hurt my husband of he ever did that right after sex. Come up with a way to get him back. That has to be answered!

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Monday 24 December 2012 11:32

This new fml on iphone is weird, never gonna get used to this!

Looee 20

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Monday 24 December 2012 13:03

Good for you beeftinkle :)

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Monday 24 December 2012 13:38

I agree I'd hurt my husband too, but this made me laugh pretty hard. Just imagining it, but had it been me, 38 weeks pregnant, I'd beat his ass. This just calls for revenge. Get him good, but not after or during sex. That's expected.

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Monday 24 December 2012 18:16

Your bf is a boss

igive 29

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:37

You should tell him that's not the role-playing you had in mind.

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:37

WTF is wrong with him? What happened to normal sex?

subwaysurfers 13

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:51

Idk, maybe he thinks it's different so 'it spices things up'...... Or he's a moron.

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Monday 24 December 2012 10:39

It got boring so couples decide to spice it up a bit

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Monday 24 December 2012 15:23

There is no normal, only zule >.>

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:38

Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

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Monday 24 December 2012 10:04

This comment..Tears of joy. Hats off to you, sir. :')

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Monday 24 December 2012 10:14

Thank you. :)

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Monday 24 December 2012 10:37

That is one of the best comments I have ever seen!

brittanyrmh_ 12

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Monday 24 December 2012 11:23

Let's all just take a moment to appreciate 5's comment

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Monday 24 December 2012 11:41

"You have my sword" "and you have my bow" "And MY thumbs up"

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Monday 24 December 2012 12:40

Hahaha excellent comment!

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Monday 24 December 2012 13:03

This is amazing plus your username is hilarious

ichliebekekse 11

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Monday 24 December 2012 14:13

One does not simply make an amazing comment.

wlddog 14

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Monday 24 December 2012 15:24

There shouldn't even be other comments after #5, because no one else is going to top it.

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 24 December 2012 15:37

Epic comment, definitely one of the all time best.

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Monday 24 December 2012 16:52

Definitely best comment ever! I'll be laughing all day! Thank you #5!

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Monday 24 December 2012 18:12

Idiot.

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Monday 24 December 2012 18:18

You just made my day with your comment!

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Monday 24 December 2012 19:07

Omg I love you

license2chill 5

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Monday 24 December 2012 23:09

I added this FML to my favorites because of this comment. You sir, are a genius.

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 0:30

Inb4 a thousand likes

BGosh 3

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Thursday 24 January 2013 22:40

That was brilliant. :')

octaviamarieb 18

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Sunday 4 August 2013 0:09

that is beautiful..

Warm_Apple_Pie 21

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Monday 27 January 2014 4:33

I understand that one is from 300 and the other is from Lord of the rings, but both are Epic Rap Battles of History references. :3

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

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Thursday 1 January 2015 4:48

This is my proudest FML comment.

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:38

EPIC!!!

subwaysurfers 13

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:53

Hahhaha, your picture!

dswomi 12

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Friday 10 April 2015 18:51

Haha, yours

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:41

FYL. I still laughed tho.

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:41

After he was done spearing you?

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:41

Boyfriend: Oh yeah... I'm gonna.. -insert your own imagination here- OP: Madness... This is madness! Boyfriend: THIS.. IS.. SPARTA!!!!

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Monday 24 December 2012 15:18

This....is.....dumb.

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 3:25

fus roh da !

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Monday 24 December 2012 9:44

No, this is Patrick. O.o

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Monday 24 December 2012 16:35

Fuqq yes! :P

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Monday 24 December 2012 23:42

SPARTANS! Tonight we dine in the Krusty Krab

CharresBarkrey 15

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Tuesday 25 December 2012 10:28

81 - What the fuck is "fuqq?" Can you really not say "fuck?" But you're okay with homonyms?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 45

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 93

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 33