Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
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Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
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Top comments
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
Roguedork19 8
No, this is Patrick. O.o
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Comments (201)
Obey_StudBoii 23
Knee him in the nuts and scream "LIKEABOSS"
fishstick557 14
That is AWESOME
simoncat 11
People with small swords often resort to big moves. If he looks like Gerard Butler, stick around for a bit. If not, go conquer another. He's a jerk for the foot move. The yell...eh... He's an immature twit.
Obey_StudBoii 23
He sounds like a douche.
danivolley64 10
I would have stood up and pointed out the door and said "AND THERE'S THE COUCH!" Sorry about your fall, OP. :)
Jonny_Blaze0017 26
lol
verkaderk 9
What is the point of posting 'lol'... Waste of time and space
ArchaeologyDude1 5
I'm sorry, but this is hysterical
ajackofallyrades 3
Like a boss!
Donovan_757 8
That's the coolest thing ever!
DaProblem1019 3
This is the funniest shit I've read all day, love that movie. Sorry though :-(
LMR1995 2
Give that guy a metal!