Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting... - FML

By Radioo - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Thanks for the miracle

Near the knuckle

By StellarSapience - United States

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

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By notsoclean - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

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By where do they come from - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

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By Teenagegirl - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

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By georgiahick

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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By DFR - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

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By PlayTag - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

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By Mdrk783 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

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By gamerlaura - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

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By Disturbed - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By jobless - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

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By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

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By Anonymous

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

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By R - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

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By stairmaster

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

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By Too manly - United States - Stockton

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

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By selfdefense - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

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By rkaneki

Twice error

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

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By gman

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

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By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hatfield

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

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By yermom - United States

Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help "brighten people's spirits in their time of need". After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

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By OMGWTF - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

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By SleepObsessed

Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

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By spiderchick23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

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By . - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

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By James - 1/4/2020 17:00

Gordon says you SUCK

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 16:54

Clocked

Today, I was stopped by a customer who told me that I looked like a nice woman. I thanked him for the compliment and pointed out that I was a man. With an obviously male name on my name tag. And visible facial hair. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

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By OverWorked1 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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Top comments

By hedgehogs | 0

#782221 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:16

Assuming that you knew this was a problem, why the hell were you keeping your rabbit in an area where he could continue eating it?

Poor rabbit.

By perdix | 29

#782366 - Monday 18 January 2010 17:19

Shame on you! You should get a boyfriend to munch your carpet, not a little bunny.

You're going to have a hard time getting a guy interested in your patchy carpet, so you should probably just shave "down there" and start all over again.

COMMENTS

By myliferox247 | 0

#782199 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:10

lol

Reply

LightWater | 0

#783323 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:33

Eat the rabbit. Rabbit is tasty.

Reply

krnmafia92 | 0

#783391 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:08

It's a carpet-filled rabbit. Do you like ingesting carpet?

Reply

LightWater | 0

#783400 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:12

No, but I would imagine that as I tend to eat muscle, rather than the gastrointestinal tract of the animals I consume that this would be less of an issue.

Reply

peace7love2FML | 0

#974921 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 3:37

Thatss Nasty.

Reply

minnieminroe | 0

#988407 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 0:47

stupid rabbit

Reply

mexicutioner123 | 0

#2411759 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:36

silly wabbit

Reply

schpanki | 11

#2976049 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 1:03

Today, I was casually eating a carpet when I started to feel funny. I later discovered that rabbits cant eat carpets. I'm a rabbit. FML.

By hedgehogs | 0

#782221 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:16

Assuming that you knew this was a problem, why the hell were you keeping your rabbit in an area where he could continue eating it?

Poor rabbit.

Reply

beachycat | 0

#782250 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

This. Why wasn't the rabbit in the cage? This could have been easily prevented

Reply

Katherinemma87 | 0

#782679 - Monday 18 January 2010 20:15

They coulda let it out for an afternoon and not noticed that it was snacking at the carpet till too late.

By firecopy | 6

#782228 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:18

carpet?

Reply

riax | 9

#4489010 - Sunday 27 May 2012 21:14

Yes, the soft thing that we sometimes walk on

By cazzieeee | 0

#782232 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:19

this is terrible. I'm sorry :(

By YoungE | 0

#782252 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

in tha rabbits defense, it knew no better, for the OP there is none

By elishaax | 0

#782253 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

poor rabbit D; fyl

By Julianneisasmurf | 0

#782281 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:39

aww that totally sucks :( RIP rabbit :

By Vurban | 0

#782288 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:42

Carpetmuncher. =)
Sorry bout your rabbit though.

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#782294 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:46

A rabbit munching carpet...

I just had a great idea for a porn movie!

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#782302 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:49

I'll be the rabbit!

Reply

JulzKay | 0

#783690 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:10

Yes, I definitely thought of a sexual innuendo when I saw this, too. O_O

By BlueTwist89 | 0

#782304 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:50

Wow, you totally deserve this. You should've been watching your rabbit. If you saw him eating the carpet you should've stopped him. Also, you can give I'm sure there was something you could have given your rabbit that was similar to exlax. Next time try not to be so negligent. Poor rabbit :(.