Miscellaneous: Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting... - FML

By Radioo - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Serious times

Vibe check

By MMM - United States - Saco

Unwanted guest

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

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By Gabby - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

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By figures - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

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By Anonymous

Some people are so... creative.

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

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By Beva - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

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By merse - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

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By FMyLife5915

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

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By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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By MT - Finland

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

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By lastalittlelonger - United States

Bragging

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

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By scribbles1475 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

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By fun_gal

Odd one out

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

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By pirsquared - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

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By Ugggggggggg - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML

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By are you kidding me - United States - Wichita

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

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By >.> - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By meegs - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

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By doneanddone - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

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By mrnikc - United States

Knowledge is power

Today, my mother told me the sun was the largest planet in the solar system. When I told her it was a star, she accused me of lying. We had to bring Google into this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

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By dumb4$$0rz - United States

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

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By DuhSteven - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

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By RahiYeah09 - United States

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

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By T_Willl

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

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By Unsanitary - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

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By Experience - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

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By Alejandroc - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Laissez-faire capitalism

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

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By Fat_abott - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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By derranged - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

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By Confused and Disgusted - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

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By bigmouth - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

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By ifmlftw - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

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Top comments

By hedgehogs | 0

#782221 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:16

Assuming that you knew this was a problem, why the hell were you keeping your rabbit in an area where he could continue eating it?

Poor rabbit.

By perdix | 29

#782366 - Monday 18 January 2010 17:19

Shame on you! You should get a boyfriend to munch your carpet, not a little bunny.

You're going to have a hard time getting a guy interested in your patchy carpet, so you should probably just shave "down there" and start all over again.

COMMENTS

By myliferox247 | 0

#782199 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:10

lol

Reply

#783323 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 2:33

Eat the rabbit. Rabbit is tasty.

Reply

krnmafia92 | 0

#783391 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:08

It's a carpet-filled rabbit. Do you like ingesting carpet?

Reply

LightWater | 0

#783400 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 3:12

No, but I would imagine that as I tend to eat muscle, rather than the gastrointestinal tract of the animals I consume that this would be less of an issue.

Reply

peace7love2FML | 0

#974921 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 3:37

Thatss Nasty.

Reply

minnieminroe | 0

#988407 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 0:47

stupid rabbit

Reply

mexicutioner123 | 0

#2411759 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:36

silly wabbit

Reply

schpanki | 11

#2976049 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 1:03

Today, I was casually eating a carpet when I started to feel funny. I later discovered that rabbits cant eat carpets. I'm a rabbit. FML.

By hedgehogs | 0

#782221 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:16

Assuming that you knew this was a problem, why the hell were you keeping your rabbit in an area where he could continue eating it?

Poor rabbit.

Reply

beachycat | 0

#782250 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

This. Why wasn't the rabbit in the cage? This could have been easily prevented

Reply

Katherinemma87 | 0

#782679 - Monday 18 January 2010 20:15

They coulda let it out for an afternoon and not noticed that it was snacking at the carpet till too late.

By firecopy | 6

#782228 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:18

carpet?

Reply

riax | 9

#4489010 - Sunday 27 May 2012 21:14

Yes, the soft thing that we sometimes walk on

By cazzieeee | 0

#782232 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:19

this is terrible. I'm sorry :(

By YoungE | 0

#782252 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

in tha rabbits defense, it knew no better, for the OP there is none

By elishaax | 0

#782253 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:24

poor rabbit D; fyl

By Julianneisasmurf | 0

#782281 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:39

aww that totally sucks :( RIP rabbit :

By Vurban | 0

#782288 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:42

Carpetmuncher. =)
Sorry bout your rabbit though.

By Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#782294 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:46

A rabbit munching carpet...

I just had a great idea for a porn movie!

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#782302 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:49

I'll be the rabbit!

Reply

JulzKay | 0

#783690 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:10

Yes, I definitely thought of a sexual innuendo when I saw this, too. O_O

By BlueTwist89 | 0

#782304 - Monday 18 January 2010 16:50

Wow, you totally deserve this. You should've been watching your rabbit. If you saw him eating the carpet you should've stopped him. Also, you can give I'm sure there was something you could have given your rabbit that was similar to exlax. Next time try not to be so negligent. Poor rabbit :(.